Daily
Tips from The Marriage
Library

Valuable Information:

Ten Tips for Having a Smart Marriage.

Ten Tips for having a Smart
Marriage@ from the Smart Marriages
Conferences:

1. Marriage matters. Married
people & their kids do better on all measures
of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And,
married folks report having more & better sex
than single or divorced people.

2. It's not the differences but how
we handle them that separate successful
marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn't
predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance,
contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment
predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways
that help you fall more in love.

3. All happily married couples have
approximately ten irreconcilable
differences - ten issues they will never
resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten
new issues that are likely to be even more
annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are
children from an earlier marriage or relationship,
disagreements about them go to the top of the
list. What's important is to discuss our own set
of issues just as we would discuss how to manage
living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We
wish they weren't there, but what's important is
to keep talking about how to manage them and still
do the marriage "dance".

4. Love is not an absolute
(a yes or no situation) and it's not limited
substance. It's a feeling and feelings ebb and
flow depending on how we treat each other. We can
learn new ways to interact and the feelings "of
being in love" can come flowing back, often
stronger than before.

5. Marital satisfaction often dips
with the birth of a baby. That's normal.
Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there
are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's
normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate
our parenting partner - and hang in. It makes good
sense to stay married for the sake of the kids -
and for our own sake. Even with the challenges,
it's a lot easier to be a parenting team than to
be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus
there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back
up with the empty nest. The final stage of
marriage - with a job well done - is the real
honeymoon period.

6. Sex ebbs and flows. It
comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make
time for more "flows".

7. Creating good marital sex is not
about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex
life. Early marital sex is sex between
strangers - we don't yet know our partner or
ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex
based on knowing our partner and letting them know
us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is
to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's
not about going BACK; it's about going
FORWARD, together.

8. Repair attempts are
crucial and are highly predictive of
marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny,
even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up
after an argument, is central to every happy
marriage.

9. Learn to welcome, embrace and
integrate change - to discuss and update
your wishes, hopes & dreams - on a regular
basis. We often "interview" each other before
marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage
vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the
same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with
changes in your partner. Don't fear changes,
celebrate them!

10. Try several different marriage
education courses. Become informed
consumers - rate the courses, discuss what you
liked best - which ideas were most helpful. Decide
which courses to recommend to your kids, friends
and family - which to give as wedding, anniversary
and new baby gifts. The courses don't tell you
what kind of marriage to have. That's up to you.
They give you the tools - the hammers,
screwdrivers, and levels - so you can build the
kind of marriage that suits you, one which can
help you to negotiate, and renegotiate, your own
values, meaning, and goals.

Find out more at http://www.smartmarriages.com/

Diane Sollee, founder
director, www.SmartMarriages.com®
Copyright®
CMFCE
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

God bless your marriage
and family.

Jim
Stephens

Subscription
Benefits

Get helpful, easy, practical tips
sent to you every day.

Low monthly subscription fee of
only $5/month.

Great investment for your
marriage and family.

Get paid too. $3/month for
everyone you refer.

Earn extra income. Refer your
friends.

Enroll your church or
organization too.

Subscribe now using PayPal!

More
info...

Got
Questions?

Send me an
email.

Jim Stephens

Help
Launch It!

Subcribe yourself

TODAY!

Refer your

friends &

relatives
too.

Refer this

Daily E-Tips Newsletter to
others and receive a $3 bonus each month

Use the "Forward email" button at the
bottom.

Jim
Stephens

Daily Marriage E-Tips
from The Marriage
Library

Email Marketing by