Daily
Tips from The Marriage
Library

Valuable Information:

Forgiveness Is A Gift You Give Yourself

Article by Michele
Weiner-Davis

Forgiveness Is A Gift
You Give Yourself

By Michele Weiner-Davis

Are you someone who walks around feeling
angry with your spouse or loved one much of the
time? Do you have a little inner voice that
constantly reminds you of all of his or her
wrongdoings? Have you become expert at remembering
all the minute details of past injustices just so
that you can keep score? If this describes you at
all, you better read what I'm about to say and
take it to heart.

Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes
its toll on your physical and emotional health. It
keeps you stuck in the deepest of relationship
ruts. No matter how justified you feel about your
point of view regarding your partner's insensitive
behavior, you still are miserable. When you wake
up each morning, a gray tint shadows your life.
You walk around with a low-grade depression. You
can't feel joy because you're too busy being angry
or feeling disappointed.

In the face of these fairly obvious
disadvantages, you hang on to your belief that,
since you feel let down, you must not "give in."
To you, giving in means forgiving, letting go,
making peace. To do so, would be tantamount to
giving up your soul. So, you keep your distance.
You interact in perfunctory ways, never allowing
your partner to step over the emotional line
you've drawn. And though the distance often feels
intolerable, forgiveness is not on your short list
of solutions to your dilemma.

I have worked with so many couples who say
they want to heal their relationships. And yet,
when they're offered the tools, they can't seem to
move forward. These are the couples who, instead
of finding effective ways to get beyond blame,
continue to repeat their mantra, "Our problems are
your fault and you must pay." As long as they
maintain this mindset, they are doomed to failure.
How very sad. Even sadder are their children who,
on a day-by-day basis observe their parents being
"right" but "miserable." What lessons are they
learning about love?

If any of this strikes a chord with you (and
you wouldn't be reading this if it didn't), you
need to internalize that forgiveness is a gift you
give yourself. Letting go of resentment can set
you free. It can bring more love and happiness
into your life. It opens the door to intimacy and
connection. It makes you feel whole. Forgiving
others takes strength, particularly when you feel
wronged, but the fortitude required to forgive
pales in comparison to the energy necessary to
maintain a sizable grudge. The person most hurt by
holding out or blaming is YOU, no matter what the
circumstances.

"All this sounds good," you tell yourself,
"but how can I ever forget what my partner did to
me?" Good question. You don't! Forgiveness is not
the same as forgetting. You will probably always
remember the particular injustice(s) that drove
you into your corner. But what will happen is that
when you forgive, the intense emotions associated
with the event(s) begin to fade. You will feel
happier, lighter, more loving. And these renewed
positive feelings won't go unnoticed. Others will
be drawn to you.

Just keep in mind that forgiveness isn't a
feeling. It is a decision. You decide that you are
going to start tomorrow with a clean slate. Even
if it isn't easy, you make the determination that
the alternative is even harder, and that you are
going to do what you must to begin creating a more
positive future.

So promise yourself, that no matter what the
reason, you will not go another day blaming your
partner and feeling lonely. Make peace. Make up.
Make love. I promise you that the benefits of
deciding to forgive go far beyond anything you can
picture in your mind's eye at the moment. Your
decision to forgive will create a ripple effect of
exponential changes in your life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read More of Michele's Articles

2009 Copyright - Michele Weiner-Davis. All
rights reserved.

God bless your marriage and
family.

Jim
Stephens

Subscription
Benefits

Get helpful, easy, practical tips
sent to you every day.

Low monthly subscription fee of
only $5/month.

Great investment for your
marriage and family.

Get paid too. $3/month for
everyone you refer.

Earn extra income. Refer your
friends.

Enroll your church or
organization too.

Subscribe now using PayPal!

More
info...

Got
Questions?

Send me an
email.

Jim Stephens

Help
Launch It!

Subcribe yourself

TODAY!

Refer your

friends &

relatives
too.

Refer this

Daily E-Tips Newsletter to
others and receive a $3 bonus each month

Use the "Forward email" button at the
bottom.

Check out the

Archives

of past

Daily
E-Tips

since our

launch on Aug. 4

and more coming...

Another example of the differences between
men and women.

Jim
Stephens
The Marriage
Library

Email Marketing by