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Valuable Information:

Getting a Man to Listen Up

Article by Dr. John Gray

Getting a Man to Listen
Up

Why doesn't he hear you sometimes? It's in
his genes.

Getting a man to listen is not always as easy
as you may think. And, if you've been in a
long-term relationship with a man, you probably
are already aware of this.

Women will often express their frustration
about this to a girlfriend or to a relationship
counselor and it goes something like this:
"When Tom and I were dating he used to listen to
me all the time. He was interested in my work, my
family, my personal interests. But by the time we
were married for less than a year it seemed like
he had less and less time for us to talk. And when
we did have a conversation it seemed as though he
was not really paying very much
attention."

Sound familiar? If it does it's only because
you're experiencing a frustration that millions of
other women have expressed.
"He was such a
good listener when we were dating, what
happened?"

What partners quickly assume is that their
mate is no longer interested in what they have to
say, and so they have just tuned them out. This is
a great source of conflict in a relationship.
Understanding the Mars/Venus differences greatly
helps a woman to put this behavior into
perspective.

From birth forward, males in general lag
behind females in communication skills. Women have
much better connections between their emotional
and language centers of their brains. Men, on the
other hand, can make these connections, but not
without far greater effort. When dating, a man
will make persistent attempts to communicate
because he rightly senses that this conversational
engagement will make him appear more attractive to
a potential mate.

You've probably seen nature footage of a male
bird, for example, displaying beautiful plumage to
attract a female. Human males do the same thing in
two significant ways. One they do all that they
can to improve their physical appearance, and two,
they become very attentive to what a woman has to
say. You might say that from a communication
standpoint, the male feminizes his communication
patterns to appear to be a good
communicator.

A year or less into this effort, once he is
secure in the relationship, most men drop back to
their non-communicative ways.
So the question,
how can a woman change that man back into a good
listener?

Try this: Tell him that tonight when he gets
home you want to take five minutes and tell him
about your day. "I really need you to listen, you
don't have to say anything. I just need for us to
talk." Do this for a few days consecutively and
establish a code phrase you both agree to,
something like, "How was your day?" as a signal
that it's time to talk.

Men by their nature are not great
communicators, but they are also creatures of
habit. Once this pattern of conversation is
established, he'll come to expect it, and
eventually will seek you out if you haven't shared
the events of your day.

Most importantly, remind yourself that his
lack of communication is not a sign of his lack
of  love for you. Martians don't share
feelings very well. Study after study has come to
that same conclusion. But men can change,
particularly in the area of becoming better
listeners. The most important step a wife must
make is to ask that they talk. And when not heard
the first, or second time, a wife must know to ask
again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. John Gray is the author of many books,
videos, and seminars on the paradigm
that "Men Are from Mars, and Women Are from
Venus". Visit he website at MarsVenus.com

__________________________________

God bless your marriage and
family.

Jim
Stephens

Here is a link to a 4 min 47sec
video of the above information. It's humorous and
educational.

Video of Dr. John Gray on men's
communication.

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