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Valuable Information:

If the Marriage
Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy

Article by
Scott Gardner,
PhD

If the Marriage Ain't
Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy

Scott  Gardner, PhD

South Dakota State University

The Myth - The
marriage is not the heart of the home
and what's important is to focus on the kids
or the family in general.  The marriage can
be put on the back burner and things will be okay.

The Facts  -
Problems in the marriage affect everyone, and
nearly every area of one's life. Consider this
list of  problems that can stem from marital
problems in the family.

Problems for
adults related to marital
distress:
~  Poorer overall health,
more depression and more eating
disorders.
~  Decreased
longevity.
~  Decreased work
productivity.
~  Increased
substance abuse.
~  Increased
criminal activity.
~  Increased
rates of domestic violence.
~
Increased rates of suicide.

Problems for children related to marital
distress:
~  Increased behavioral
disorders.
~  Poorer academic
performance.
~  Lower
self-esteem.
~  Increased criminal
activity.
~  Increased rates of
suicide.

What
Works?

Establish your
marriage as a top priority. Dr. Bill Doherty in
his book Take Back Your
Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls
Us Apart suggests eight ways to do this:

1.  If you are married, remind
yourself that your marriage is the foundation of
your family and the cornerstone of your children's
security.

2.  Remind yourself that your children
are apt to be better fighters for their needs than
you and your mate are at fighting for the needs of
your marriage.

3.  Limit your family's outside
activities so that you have two rare elements for
today's families: time to hang out as a family and
time to hang out as a couple.

4.  Have fixed bedtimes for your
children, after which you are off duty and can be
alone as a couple.

5.  Don't let children interrupt every
conversation you have.

6.  Carve out private time for
yourselves as a couple.

7.  Get sitters and go out on regular
dates.

8.  Be open with your children about
what you are doing for your marriage.

------------------------------------------------------------------

© 2007, Scott Gardner, PhD;  http://www.buildingrelationshipskills.org/

__________________________________

God bless your marriage and
family.

Jim
Stephens

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