Daily
Tips from The Marriage
Library

Valuable Information:

Simple Communication
Secrets for Parents and Kids

By Dr. Denis
Donovan

Here are some very
interesting tips that may surprise you a lot if
you have children. This guidance is not what we
tend to do naturally.   - Have a
great day,  Jim

------------------------------------------------------------------

Simple
Communication Secrets for Parents and
Kids
Denis Donovan, MD

Children's Center for Developmental
Psychiatry

Tired of trying to get
your children to behave? The problem might be
simply a matter of miscommunication...

Here are some
tips:

Don't use a question instead of a
command. Parents often question their
kids instead of telling them what to do.

Don't ask an "empty"
question -- one that doesn't even hint at
what you want the child to do.

Example: A woman who wants
her son to stop pushing boxes around in a toy
store asks, "Do you want a spanking?" The child
keeps pushing. Louder, she asks, "What did I
just say?" Still no response. The child does not
connect her questions with his actions. She
should directly state what she wants him to do
-- "Stop pushing those boxes."

Don't pose negative
questions -- which invite negative
responses.

Example: When you ask your
child, "Can't you clean your room?" he/she is
likely to respond with a simple "No." Or he will
think, "Sure. But I don't want to." Again, just
tell him, "Clean your room."

Don't end statements with "okay?" or
"all right?" Parents who do this may be
looking for acknowledgment that the child has
heard them -- "Put on your boots, okay?"... "We're
going to be leaving soon, all right?" But the
child thinks he is being asked for his permission.
Simply state what you want your child to do --
"Put on your boots."

Don't speak as "we". When
you use "we", you take responsibility for the very
behavior you are trying to influence. Your child
hears "we" and decides that no action is required
of him.

Example: "We're going to
do better on our homework next time."... "Shall
we take out the garbage?"

Say "you" when you want your child to take
responsibility.

Don't refer to yourself as Mommy or
Daddy. Parents tend to do this as a way
of maintaining a connection with their children.

It is easier to say, "Don't talk that way
to Daddy" or "Don't pull Mommy's hair" than it
is to admit that your child is not being nice to
you.

Children over age two-and-a-half use and
understand personal pronouns, such as "I" and
"me", and possessives, such as my or mine. Say,
"Don't talk that way to me"... "Don't pull my
hair."

Don't depersonalize objectionable
behavior by saying "it". When you use the
word "it", you are not specific about what your
child did.

Describe exactly what bothered you so your
child can take responsibility.

Example: Instead of
saying, "It was a terrible day," say, "You
misbehaved all day." Instead of "It was one of
the most embarrassing experiences I ever had,"
say, "When you told your teacher to bug off
during the parent-teacher conference, I was
really embarrassed."

Don't explain. Some parents
always explain why they are asking children to do
something -- "Don't run into the street or you'll
get hit by a car"... "Stop interrupting. It's
rude."

Always giving kids reasons trains them to
automatically ignore any command that is not
accompanied by an explanation. They will always
ask, "Why?" before they listen. Issue the
command with no explanation. If your child asks
why, reply, "Because I say so."

Many parents are surprised to find that
children accept this -- and listen.

________________________________________
Bottom
Line/Personal interviewed Denis Donovan,
MD, medical director, Children's Center
for Developmental Psychiatry, St. Petersburg,
Florida. He is coauthor of What Did I Just Say!?!:
How New Insights into Childhood Thinking Can Help
You Communicate More Effectively with Your
Child (Holt).

reprinted from Bottom Line/Personal, June 15,
2002
URL:http://www.bottomlinesecrets.com/blpnet/article.html?article_id=33463

__________________________________

God bless your marriage and
family.

Jim
Stephens

Mark Gungor: "Men's Sex
Drive."    3:55

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