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Valuable Information:

Men and
Women Use Different Rules for Interrupting in
Conversations

Article by Dr. John
Gray

Men and Women Use
Different Rules for Interrupting in
Conversations

By Dr. John Gray, taken from http://www.marsvenus.com/

When a man interrupts a woman in the middle
of her conversation, she often feels that the man
was not listening.

However, men often interrupt each other to
make a point. They never feel as if the other
person was not listening, particularly if the
interruption was a good point or a relevant
correction or argument.

The "relevancy" of the comment would actually
prove to another man that he was listening.
However, a women might conclude, "men don't
listen." In actuality, it is more accurate to
conclude he did listen but was not polite in
letting her finish.

Men communicate with different rules. It is
similar to basketball. The objective is to get the
ball in the hoop. Players will pass it back and
forth until one shot gets it. No one minds when a
player hogs the ball IF his shot goes in. It's
only a problem if his shot DOESN'T go in.

If a man interrupts to make a point and he's
on target, the last thing he would conclude is
that he was impolite or
disrespectful. A woman however
feels offended while he is left wondering why he's
not getting points. He expects her to say
something like "Good point!" She is expecting him
to apologize for interrupting.

When a man interrupts he's usually expecting
a woman to say something like, "Good point."

A man can refrain from interrupting a
woman IF he knows what is expected from him;
once again it is like basketball. There are times
when a player gets a free throw. They take all the
time they want and no one interferes. When
communicating, if a woman doesn't feel comfortable
bouncing ideas back and forth, she can directly
say in a friendly tone, "Give me a few minutes to
explain this fully and then tell me what you
think."

There is no need to demand this or request it
in a firm tone. He is happy to listen in this way;
he just needs to know what is expected of him.
This little request can make a world of
difference. If he interrupts again, then once
again, in a friendly tone, say, "OK, OK, I'll let
you know when I'm done and you can tell me what
you think."

This friendly, accepting approach by a woman
goes over much better than feeling resentful
because he is not listening.

Below are 8 common expressions women use when
feeling the resentment of not being heard. Her
attitude in how she says it is everything. Even
these expressions would work fine if she delivered
them humorously without a tone of resentment. To
get a sense of how a man hears these comments,
imagine a woman is feeling excluded and resentful
and then makes any one of the following
comments:

Can I just finish?
Can I say anything
around here?
Let me say something
I just
want to finish my point.
You're not
listening.
You're not hearing me.
I
can't say anything.
You don't understand.

When a woman makes such comments with a
resentful tone, then a man will become defensive.
From his perspective, he is listening and
responding. She can interrupt back at any time to
make her point just like he is doing. The
resentment makes him feel as if she is calling a
foul on him when all along he has been playing by
the rules.

Without knowing men and women use different
rules for interruptions in conversation, men and
women can easily become adversarial rather than
supportive.

Ideally, the best response from a woman when
she feels interrupted is not to take it personally
and simply to interrupt back in a friendly way and
continue her point. The easiest way to do this is
to listen a little, compliment him, and then
continue saying what she wanted to say. She could
say, "Good idea, but." or "All right, let me try
saying this differently."

There is a big difference between saying,
"You are not listening" and "All right, let me try
saying this differently." Although the message is
really the same, the second message is
non-accusatory and is a clear sign that she has
not taken his interruption
personally.
_________________________________________________

God
bless your marriage and family.

Jim
Stephens

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Stephens
The Marriage
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