Daily
Tips from The Marriage
Library

10 Things Happy
Couples Do

By Mark
Goulston,
M.D.

Here is a nice list of suggestions to
try. Have a great weekend.
Jim
_________________________________________________

10 Things Happy Couples Do

by Mark Goulston, M.D.

Happy couples know that the real relationship
begins when the honeymoon is over. They know that
unless you maintain the garden of love, its beauty
will wither and die.

Here are 10 things that happy couples
do:

1. Go to bed at the same
time. Remember the beginning of your
relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed
with each other to make love? Happy couples resist
the temptation to go to bed at different times.
They go to bed at the same time, even if one
partner wakes up later to do things while their
partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common
interests. After the passion settles
down, it's common to realize that you have few
interests in common. But don't minimize the
importance of activities you can do together that
you both enjoy. If common interests are not
present, happy couples develop them. At the same
time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own;
this will make you more interesting to your mate
and prevent you from appearing too
dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by
side. Rather than one partner lagging or
dragging behind the other, happy couples walk
comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They
know it's more important to be with their partner
than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your
default mode. If and when they have a
disagreement or argument, and if they can't
resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and
forgiving rather than distrusting and
begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner
does right, not what he or she does
wrong. If you look for things your
partner does wrong, you can always find something.
If you look for what he or she does right, you can
always find something, too. It all depends on what
you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the
positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see
each other after work. Our skin has a
memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch"
(abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who
say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the
"good touch," which can inoculate your spirit
against anonymity in the world.

7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good
day" every morning. This is a great way
to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner
sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long
lines and other annoyances.

8. Say "Good night" every night,
regardless of how you feel. This tells
your partner that, regardless of how upset you are
with him or her, you still want to be in the
relationship. It says that what you and your
partner have is bigger than any single upsetting
incident.

9. Do a "weather" check during the
day. Call your partner at home or at work
to see how his or her day is going. This is a
great way to adjust expectations so that you're
more in sync when you connect after work. For
instance, if your partner is having an awful day,
it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to
be enthusiastic about something good that happened
to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your
partner. Happy couples are pleased to be
seen together and are often in some kind of
affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on
shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not
showing off but rather just saying that they
belong with each other.

Even if these actions don't come naturally,
happy couples stick with them until they do become
a part of their relationship. They know that it
takes 30 days for a change in behavior to become a
habit, and a minimum of six months for a habit to
become a way of life and love.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr.
Goulston is the author of The 6 Secrets of a
Lasting Relationship (Putnam, 2001).

_____________________________________________________

God bless your marriage
and family.

Jim
Stephens

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