Daily
Tips from The Marriage
Library

For Women Who Think Their Husband
Is A Big
Kid

By Pastor
Mark
Gungor

Many times we men hear women speak of us like
we are just a big kid that they have to mother.
Read on.  -
Jim
_________________________________________________

For Women Who Think
Their Husband Is A Big
Kid

by Mark Gungor

So
often I hear women complain because they have to
ask their husbands to do things. They complain
that they have to remind them-sometimes
repeatedly-to put their laundry away or do the
dishes or help with the kids.

The list of transgressions that they recite
is then followed with a line similar to, "I should
be his wife, not his mother!" or "I feel like I
have two small kids and a big one!" You get the
idea.

What is really at the bottom of all this
frustration is that these women expect their men
to be like women.

Because another woman would see that the
dishes needed to be done, or the laundry put away.
Their sisters, mothers, or girlfriends would
automatically know that the kids need to be bathed
and put to bed and they would jump right in and do
it.

But men are not women! Often, we literally
don't see these things as important, certainly not
in the same way. They just aren't big priorities
to our brains the way we are wired. As far as we
know, the world won't end if they aren't tended to
immediately.

Please note clearly that this is not to say
that men don't care about their wives... which is
the avenue most women will immediately drive down
in a situation like this.

We, men, do care about our wives. Just
because your husband doesn't jump up from dinner,
rush to clear the table, load the dishwasher, fold
the towels in the dryer and take on pajama patrol
with the kids, doesn't mean that he doesn't love
you. Not being aware of these things doesn't make
him evil - it just makes him a man.

Honestly, women can get their men to do
things for them if they just treat men like men
and stop expecting them to be women.

Ladies, you need to do some things
differently with a male than you do with a female.
In my seminar , I spend a whole session on "How to Get a Man to Do What You
Want." The first thing I explain is that you
have to ask, and no, that doesn't make you his
mother!

This is usually a real challenge for women
because they think, "But if he really loved me, I
wouldn't have to ask!"

Like by some cosmic force, men are supposed
to automatically know what you want. Then for some
strange reason that is known only to the female
brain, a woman will make the leap and reason,
"Well, if I have to ask, especially more than
once, that makes me more like a mother than a
wife!"

Nonsense. Just because you have to ask, even
several times, it doesn't mean that you are his
mother. Of course women cry out, "Well, that's
what a mother does!" Using that crazy logic, you
could just as easily say the following:
Prostitutes have sex with men so if I have sex
with him, I'm a prostitute. It's flawed
thinking.

Seriously, ladies! You need to chill out on
this one. Your husband is a man and men need to be
asked and reminded. That doesn't make us evil - it
just makes us men.

We also need to be asked without insults and
a good incentive program works wonders with us
too! (Which, by the way, are the steps I detail in
my book and seminar.) Listen, God made men this
way. The Bible says right off the bat that it was
not good for Adam to be alone. He needed a helper,
so God created Eve to be his helper.

That implies that he needed her help to do
things.

And I'm sure it wasn't lifting the fallen
trees in the garden. Maybe it was more along the
line that Adam didn't notice the fig leaves lying
on all over the ground that needed to be swept up
or the fact that the peaches needed picking and
the pantry was empty.

What if it was God's original intention that
Eve was created to be the one to remind him, to
ask him, to help him out, to guide and direct him?
Would that change the way you see your role?

We need you wonderful women in our lives to
help us with the things that we just don't see;
the things that don't come naturally to us.

But expecting us to intuitively be like you
just ain't gonna happen. Wives need to learn how
to get their husbands to do things by asking for
what you want or need, asking more than once,
asking the right way, and using bartering,
incentives and a language we understand.

We love that stuff and you can get us to do
most anything for you. That makes you our helper
not our mother.

By the way, we don't want you to be our
mothers either... in fact, the thought of having
sex with our mother really creeps us out!

We want you and need you to be our wives and
our helpers, just like God intended.

_____________________________________________________

God
bless your marriage and family.

Jim
Stephens

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Mark Gungor:

Laugh Your Way to
a Better Marriage -
DVD

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Jim Stephens

Jim
Stephens
The Marriage
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