Are you looking for marriage saving tips that will actually make a difference in your marriage? I don't blame you.

Sometimes it can be very difficult to solve your own problems because you're simply too close to them. (Remember the old saying; you can't see the forest for the trees?)

I had this problem throughout the first 27 most difficult years of my marriage. Just 4 short years ago I finally discovered the "recipe" (if you will) for a happy marriage. I wish I knew then what I know now, but my ability to help others using the marriage saving tips and insight I discovered is definitely worth all the misery I went through.

So, in an effort to save you from the painful learning curve that I had to go through, I've condensed these 'secrets' into 2 very powerful, yet simple marriage saving tips.

You may have 'heard' me talk about how important it is to openly discuss your values with your spouse in other marriage saving tips or articles on this site, and I'm sorry if I'm sounding like a broken record here, but I truly cannot stress this enough....so here it goes...

I'm sure you've heard that communication is the key to a better marriage, but what exactly does 'communication' mean? WHAT should you be 'communicating' about and in what WAY?

You need to talk with your spouse about your values or your 'take' on everything in life. Talk with your spouse about the things you passionately believe in...or feel strongly against.

This marriage saving tip may sound overwhelming at first, but the first thing you need to do is focus on the little things in life that bug you.

Let me give you an example...

My wife absolutely HATES gum chewing. Now I'm not talking about people who silently chew with their mouths closed, I'm talking about people who, when they pop a piece of gum in their mouth, EVERYONE knows it.

They pop, smack and chew with their mouths wide open. Yes, I know it sounds trivial, but it absolutely drives her NUTS.

Now, if I didn't know WHY this little pet peeve of hers drives her 'up the wall', I would simply think she's crazy. I might even start becoming annoyed and aggravated whenever she starts to verbally attack the nearest "irritating gum chewer".

Here's a Marriage Saving Tip that Most People Are Not Aware Of...

EVERY pet peeve, habit or BELIEF is created by a memory or event that has happened in the past. Take my wife for example. The reason she despises people who pop and crack their gum is because HER MOTHER would do it without any regard for her feelings...throughout her ENTIRE childhood. My wife hated it THEN and she still hates gum chewing TODAY. It simply brings back too many painful memories.

To her, a gum chewer might as well be scratching nails on a chalkboard or screeching a fork against a plate. The main idea you should walk away with from this marriage saving tip is that you need to discuss with your spouse WHY you do things a certain way, WHY you hate certain things and WHY you love other things.

Ask your spouse questions and have them do the same. Ask questions like...

1. "Honey, when you were young, did your mother or father have a problem being on time?"

2. "What happened in your childhood that makes you hate clutter and messes so much?"

WARNING: Don't make this sound like an accusation! If you do, your positive discussion will be over!

Believe me; I made this mistake more than I'd care to admit in my marriage. It's one of the core reasons we fought on a daily basis! In other words, stay away from any tone that ends up sounding like an accusation! It's the kiss of death! (Of all the marriage saving tips, this one alone will help you significantly reduce the tension between you and your spouse!)

When you ask your spouse these questions, they will probably struggle for words or not come up with an immediate explanation for WHY he or she does these things.

And that's okay.

Try to jog his/her memory by recalling your own memories about this subject...

Example:"The reason I __(fill in the blank)__ is because my parents __(fill in the blank)____ when I was a child."

Asking questions like these will most likely jog your spouse's memory. Still, they may not make the connection between their childhood and their life as an adult.

Remember: You and your spouse were shown how to live by your parents or guardians. They shaped most of what you value or ignore today. If you don't know which values are causing conflict in your marriage, you'll never be able to truly resolve your disagreements. Use this marriage saving tip to get to the source of your problems instead of focusing on the 'little issues' (like chewing).

When I finally understood WHY my wife's values were so different from my own, the stress in my marriage was DRASTICALLY reduced. I know you'll find the same to be true when you put this marriage saving tip to use in your relationship with your spouse.For more information on the critical role that values take on in your marriage, read the special report, "Your Invisible Lifestyle: Is it Helping or Hurting Your Marriage?" I originally wrote it to give to the struggling couples I work with every day, but since this report has helped so many people make a tremendous difference in their marriage, I now distribute it freely.

So there you have it. If you ever want to save your marriage or stop your divorce, you need to START applying what you've learned in this marriage saving tip so you can understand WHY your spouse is the way he/she is today.

I promise, once you do, you'll be able to reduce the conflict in your marriage and live a much more peaceful life together.