Research Shows Gender Differences From Birth She says: "He's obsessed with video games." He says: "She won't stop talking." She says: "He doesn't pay attention when I'm talking to him." He says: "What's with her and all the shoes?"
These might be stereotypical statements but, you have to admit, there are certain patterns that men and women tend to exhibit ... and these behaviors can drive their partner batty.
New gender research is showing that many of the behavioral differences that exist between men and women are actually evident from birth. And we're talking about things beyond boys reaching for toy cars and girls reaching for baby dolls. Here are a few examples of baby behavior that may carry over into adulthood (and, more importantly, put a kink in relationships).
Boys Have No Fear (relatively speaking): You put one-year-old Jack in a room with his mom and a spider and, even if mama twists her face in fright, he'll ignore her reaction and still run after the insect to pick it up. Put Jane in that same situation and she'll slow down when she sees mom's worry.
Our interpretation: Does this mean that women are more influenced by the opinions of people in their lives when it comes to relationships? Maybe. Women do tend to reach out for advice and support. Guys play things a little closer to the chest and seem less wary of making a decision that someone else might not support.
Girls Are Readers: Back to the spider example. When Jane saw the frightened expression on her mom's face, she got distressed too. In a study that examined a child's ability to recognize expressions, boys took longer to notice a difference in expression while girls were more skilled at reading people.
Our interpretation: The fellas aren't necessarily known for reading a woman's emotions accurately. That's why communication is so vital. She might want him to recognize when she's very upset but when he doesn't come running to offer a hug she gets even more upset. You've got to speak up where guys are concerned.
Boys Do Have Feelings: Some research has shown that baby boys become agitated more easily than girls. They also have a harder time soothing themselves. One study found that even when the little guys seem calm their heart rate and breathing belied the actual distress they were experiencing.
Our interpretation: Men are often berated for having "no heart," but again, guys are typically taught to hold back the emotion "like a man." He might be afraid of the dark, but if you hear something go bump in the night, chances are he'll still suck it up and investigate ... but he'll never let you know he's practically hyperventilating while doing so. Don't be too quick to judge if he isn't overly emotional or into sharing his feelings ... but also don't assume that when something rotten happens in his world that he doesn't appreciate your concern. He doesn't want to be babied - but he doesn't want to be ignored either.
Girls Listen: Research has shown that the little ladies seem to prefer the sound of human voices to that of other sounds. Rattles are cool and all, but talking will actually engage little girls more than anything.
Our interpretation: Yes, the ladies like the chat. Remember, women sometimes just need to talk to figure out how they're feeling. But they're also tremendously good listeners - that's why they like to talk. It's the back and forth engagement and connection that builds their feel-good hormones.
Whatever stereotypes or research say, every person is an individual, and you have to learn how to work with them and communicate in your relationships. Guys can be sensitive and girls can be tough. Guys can like video games and girls can adore shoes. It's all OK. And when some gender differences have been there since birth, remember the next time you tell your sweetie, "Stop acting like a baby!" that he or she might not be able to stop ... it's just always been a part of who they are. _____________________________________________________
God bless your marriage and family.
Jim Stephens |
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