Five Keys to Asking A Man for His Support
 
By John Gray
 
If you are not getting the support you want in your relationship, there is a strong possibility that you don't ask enough or that you are asking in a way that simply does not work. Do not interpret that failure as a sign to stop asking.
 
In truth, feeling free to ask for love and support is essential to the success of any relationship.
 
But remember this: If you want to G-E-T what you want, then you must learn the best possible ways to A-S-K!
 
Ladies, there are five keys to asking a Martian for his support. Any one or all of these keys might provide the essential path to reaching him successfully.
 
Those five keys are: Appropriate Timing, A Non-demanding Attitude, The Use of Brevity, Being Direct, and perhaps most importantly, Correct Timing. Let's now examine more closely each one of these five keys to asking a man for his support.
 
1. Appropriate Timing - Don't ask him to do something that he is obviously planning to do. For example, if he is about to empty the trash don't say, "Could you empty the trash?" Timing is critical. Also, avoid asking when he is fully focused on some other project, even if that project seems frivolous to you.
 
2. A Non-demanding attitude - Remember that a request is not a demand. If you have a resentful or demanding attitude, no matter how carefully you choose your words he will feel unappreciated for what he has already given.
 
3. Brevity - Avoid giving him a list of reasons why he should help you. Assume that he doesn't have to be convinced. The longer you explain yourself, the more likely he is to resist. Long explanations make him feel as though you don't trust him to support you. He will start to feel manipulated instead of free to offer his support.
 
4. Directness - Women often think they are asking for support when they are not. When a woman needs support, she may present the problem but not ask for a man's support. She expects him to offer his support and neglects to ask for it directly. In other words, she implies the request but does not directly state it. An indirect request makes a man feel that he is not fully appreciated.
 
5. Correct wording - One of the most common mistakes in asking a man for support is use of the word "could" and "can" in place of "would" and "will." "Could you empty the trash?" is merely a question. "Would you empty the trash?" is a request.

 

Among men it would be an insult to ask a man "Can you empty the trash?" Of course he can empty the trash! Is he an idiot? The question is not can he do something but rather will he do what is asked.
 
There are few places where the Mars/Venus difference is more apparent than in how we ask and how we give or get support. 
 
A man sharing an apartment with his old college buddy is never going to suggest that he needs any help bringing some packages up the stairs. On Venus, on the other hand, it's basic manners to offer assistance.
 
On Mars it's insulting to offer unrequested assistance because the unspoken meaning says, "I don't think you can do this on your own."

 

On Mars if you need help, you ask for help directly. Otherwise, you mind your own business.
 
Men don't understand this is not the custom on Venus. Women anticipate automatically that you will offer your help.

 

So remember, if you want to G-E-T help from a Martian, always remember to A-S-K!.

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