The Difference Between Committing 99% and 100%
 
By Vic Conant

 

What are the secrets to making your most important life relationship healthy and successful? Certainly, the specifics vary from one situation to the next. But I think you'll find that the solution to almost every relationship challenge can be discovered by examining your actions in two areas: commitment and communication.
 
Commitment
 
How committed are you to your spouse? There is a remarkable difference between a commitment of 99% and 100%.
 
First and foremost, you must be disciplined about making your spouse a top priority in your life. Relationships that truly "make it" have remained a top priority of both of the parties involved.
 
In its early days, our primary relationship always has top priority. We're usually obsessed with the other person, ignoring their faults and seeing their idiosyncrasies as cute. As time passes, however, we become accustomed to our partner, and we start seeing that they're not nearly as flawless as they once were. At the same time, a hundred different priorities - our jobs, our kids, our sports teams - start vying for top priority positions. Over time, it's easy and natural for the relationship to slip way down on our list of priorities without our even noticing it.
 
During our 13th year of marriage, my relationship with Marilee was at a low point, and I was contemplating my marriage alternatives. Perhaps because of the generation I grew up in, I never gave divorce a serious thought. But I was beginning to think about how miserable I would be for the rest of my life if something didn't change. That just wasn't an acceptable future, so I decided to experiment with committing 100% to our marriage.
 
As I'm sure you have noticed in your own life, there is a huge difference even between a commitment of 99% and one of 100%. Once I made that total, 100% commitment, something magical seemed to happen. Tiny changes began occurring.Among them, Marilee started looking prettier, and I naturally started complimenting her more. Before I knew it, I was enjoying her more and she naturally responded by being nicer to me, too. Looking back now, it was as simple as bringing our relationship back to the top priority position it always deserved.
 
What is your current level of commitment to your most significant relationship? If you can't honestly say it is 100%, try my 100% commitment experience for yourself. Where does your primary relationship fall on your priority list? If it's not at the very top at the moment, experiment with making it your top priority for a while and see what happens.
 
100% commitment means seeing problems all the way through to their solutions. And that can sometimes require you to look at challenges in a way you never considered. What is the life issue you're working on now? It could be one of a million. It could be business like me or health, weight, shyness, money, anxiety, fear of one thing or another. Whatever it is, it's just as valid as anyone else's in the world.
 
The great Earl Nightingale once said that there are two types of problems. The first type is solved forever once a solution is found. The second type has no final solution. A relationship problem is an example of one that has no solution.
 
Today, you may feel like everything is great in your relationship. But if you don't continue to work on it, if you don't renew your commitment every day, it will quickly disintegrate.

 

A relationship takes constant effort to keep it fresh and alive. You can never feel as if you've got it finalized. I know that someday soon, Marilee will come up to me as she has many times in the past, saying, "Vic, we need to talk." I now know those code words mean, "Vic, you are doing something that is threatening our relationship, and I need you to listen to me." And if I do listen to her and try to hear her needs, and adapt to them if I can, we'll continue to go on our merry way together.
 
___________________________________________________