Dr. Sue Johnson is famous in the marriage movement because she has the highest research validated success rate with couples and once they leave therapy, they don't have to come back. This is part 1 of her article. 

The New Science Of Love - Part 1
 
By Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight
 
We know that financial stress drags marriages down. Money and how to manage it is a sure source of conflict in many couple relationships - and this was clear even before the present market meltdown. A 2006 study in Money magazine found that 15% of couples fought about money several times a month.
 
Even in strong marriages, stressors such as job losses, salary cuts or working longer hours can trigger angry outbursts of frustration or numbed out silences that quickly take a marriage into the danger zone.
 
Do we even have time for building a resilient marriage anymore? As financial and career pressures increase, giving time and attention to your marriage also gets harder and harder. Just as we all need a little more loving consolation and support from our partner, it seems to be harder to find.       
 
But some relationships seem to be able to weather storms like this just fine! What is the secret to being able to stand together and ride the waves life throws at us all, whether it's a sick kid or a medical diagnosis or a lay-off? 
 
The new science of love gives us a very clear message that resilience, both personal and in a relationship, is all about the strength of our bond - the quality of our emotional connection with the people we love.
 
Let's look at a couple of dramatic examples. First, a study of Israeli prisoners of war who had been isolated and tortured found that the men who could call on their sense of being loved by their partner, could actively use this felt sense of being loved in their prison cell to give themselves hope and the courage to fight on. 
 
Evidence is that just thinking of our loved ones triggers a cuddle hormone called oxytocin in our brains and this hormone gives us a sense of calm contentment and turns off the stress hormones that are keeping our brain on high alert. But the securely attached Israeli prisoners not only engaged in imaginary conversations with their wives in their prison cells, they were able to recover faster and more completely once they were released! 
 
This kind of research is just part of the growing evidence we are not built to face stress and anxiety alone. 
 
Our most basic instinct, which is to reach for someone we love when things get rough, is our most powerful survival skill. The touch of someone we love literally calms the jittery neurons in our brain.
 
In another study, women lying in an MRI machine, who were told they were about to be receive an electric shock, were able to use the touch of their husband's hand to calm the stress centers in their brains and lessen the pain of the shock. After all these years we are literally finding proof for the power of love !!!!!
 
In our work with those who constantly find themselves in harms way, policemen, firemen and military couples, we have learned that the most effective antidote to stress, ongoing fear, and catastrophe is a safe haven bond with a partner.
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