Nine Questions To Test Your Intimacy
 
By Dr. Wayne and Mary Sotile
 
It's the new norm: One couple, two jobs, too much to do. The results are abnormal levels of stress, fatigue and tension. The good news, we've found, is that most overworked couples cope beautifully. They get their kids to school on time, their work done and dinner on the table, in spite of the fact that they have too much on their plate.
 
The bad news is that the way many overburdened couples deal with the demands can hurt their relationship. The very skills they have perfected and used so well to handle their busy lives puts exceptional stress and strain on their marriage. In time, they stop playing, laughing and communicating with - or even touching - each other.
 
They tell themselves that "this is the way most married couples live," which is, unfortunately, accurate. So they put aside romance and passion, settle for a functional relationship, and live semi-miserably ever after. They may stay together, but they don't stay intimate.
 
Intimacy can be evaluated in many ways. As a psychologist and a marriage-counselor team, we've worked with over 5,000 couples, in addition to leading workshops and giving lectures to thousands more, and we have learned to measure intimacy by asking the questions below.  
 
NINE INTIMATE QUESTIONS
 
(Answer "often," "often enough," "not enough," or "rarely" for each.)
 
1. How often do you show affection for each other?
 
2. How often do you laugh at each other's jokes?
 
3. How often do you say something nice to each other?
 
4. How often do you compliment you partner in front of others?
 
5. How often do you make love?
 
6. How often are you playful with each other?
 
7. How often do you look each other in the eyes while talking?
 
8. How often do you give each other a little surprise?
 
9. How often do you say "please" or "I'm sorry?"
 
There are no right or wrong answers. But if you're disappointed or dissatisfied with your answers, if you wish more of them were "often" or "often enough," then consider this a sign that your marriage needs reviving.

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