How Gold People Challenge Others - Part 7 of 9
By Jim Stephens based on Color Styles by Mary Miscisin
It's easy to jump to conclusions about situations and make guesses about ego battles and family dynamics. However, some circumstances are actually simple misperceptions about personality styles.
To begin to understand these challenges, pay attention and notice the actions and good intentions of the other person. How are you perceiving and describing their behaviors? If you really tried, how well can you come up with a positive description for each perceived negative one?
Notice which challenges below are similar to the ones you are experiencing with your friends and family. Maybe there's nothing "wrong" with them, it's just their style of expression.
Typical Challenges that Gold People give to others
Gold People try to make you feel guilty.
* Get mad if you show up late
* "After all I've done for you, the least you can do is visit me on Christmas Day"
* "Grandma might not be around another Christmas"
* "I worked hard on this dessert and you are not going to even try it?"
It's hard getting Gold People to flex their schedule, their tradition, or their rules.
* Thanksgiving is celebrated on Thanksgiving Day
* "We've always done it this way, Midnight mass then open presents, not the other way around!"
* The rule is to wait at least an hour after eating before having dessert
It's a challenge trying to handle their advice on the right and wrong way to do things.
* "You should have kids by now"
* "You should find yourself a good man and settle down"
* "When are you going to get a "real" job?"
Here are Suggestions on how to deal with Golds these holidays.
Plan ahead for your interactions with Gold People.
* If you are late, saying you are sorry goes a long way.
* Remember that no one can make you feel guilty without your consent.
* Remember their true intentions. Gold People are just sincerely trying to help you be a better guest, wife, husband, citizen, or person.
Minimize surprises that you might give to Gold People.
* Appreciate all the preparation they went through.
* When you are at their house, follow their rules.
* Why are you visiting? If it is to connect with them, do it in a way they appreciate.
* To get off on the right foot by showing up on time! If this isn't possible, let them know as far in advance as possible.
Be sure to thank them for caring.
* Mention how your present goals are supporting your spouse, family, and the organizations you belong to, and even your Country!
* Shift the conversation to an old tradition you enjoy and ask them to recollect and share some of their favorite holiday memories.
Your new paradigm shift.
Past negative ways you might have characterized them:
1. Manipulative
2. Rigid
3. Judgmental
New found positive way to look at them:
1. Traditional
2. Organized, dependable
3. High expectations
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens