Are You Going To Wear That Tie?

By John Gray

Here are a few examples of a woman's Home Improvement Committee focused on her husband:

·  "Are you going to wear that tie?"

·  "Have you eaten today?"

·  "Did you talk to our lawyer about this?"

·  "Why do you need to buy a new one?"

·  "When are you going to put this away?"

·  "Isn't it time for you to get a haircut?"

·  "You should buy new T-shirts. These have holes."

·  "You should slow down, you could get a ticket."

·  "When are you going to clean up this office? I don't know how you get anything done!"

·  "How can you think with that music so loud?"

·  "Are you going to put that away?"

·  "When are you going to cut the grass?"

·  "Next time we should read the reviews."

·  "Did you wash your hands?"

·  "You've already had one dessert."

·  "You are not giving yourself enough time to rest."

·  "You should plan more in advance."

·  "You forgot to return the DVD. Maybe if you put it here you will remember."

·  "Remember to make reservations."

·  "Your closet is a mess. When are you going to clean it up?"

A better way to nurture a man is to give him lots of space to do things the way he wants to do them.

Rather than look for ways to change and improve him, look for things that he does right, and appreciate him.

When a woman acknowledges what a man has done, she helps to rebuild his testosterone levels. Just coming home to a woman who is grateful for his support helps a man to relax and restore his energies.

Here is an ideal scenario:

"I'm glad you made it home at a decent hour." Becky kisses her husband as he hangs up his coat. "You've been working so hard."

"Hi, sweetie, I'm bushed."

"Tuesdays are always tough. Why don't you relax, and I'll warm up the homemade soup you picked up for us when you came home late last night. I'll make a salad, too."

"Sounds great. I just want to check the scores on ESPN."

"Take your time. Just let me know when you're ready to eat. I'll keep the soup on simmer and the salad in the fridge."

"Okay." Ted loosens his tie.

"I think I'll try the yoga tape Sally loaned me-there's a quick relaxation sequence I could use about now."

"Glad to see you taking some time for yourself. You're the best."

In this scenario, Becky allows Ted to go into his cave, shows appreciation for the big and little things he does, and manages to squeeze in some oxytocin-building activity for herself.