Why Women Need Men - Part 3

By John Gray

Fully receiving a man's support is not as simple today as it was in the past. Women today are confused when it comes to the role a man can play in their lives.

Our research has shown that strong and independent women are able to discover and admit to a variety of needs for a man, most commonly they are the following:

  ·  She needs a man for romantic companionship.

  ·  She needs a man to be faithful.

  ·  She needs a man for simple companionship. She doesn't want to come home to a big, beautiful, empty house or apartment.

  ·  She needs a man 'for financial backup-someone who could support her if she couldn't work.

  ·  She needs a man around because she feels safer-two people are twice as good as one.

  ·  She needs to have a partner to share fun times with.

  ·  She needs a partner to share with who cares about her well-being.

  ·  She needs a partner who misses her when he is away.

  ·  She needs a partner to help raise the family if they have children.

  ·  She needs a partner if she doesn't want to have children alone.

  ·  She needs a partner to have a family.

  ·  She needs a partner to share the responsibilities of caring for the nest.

  ·  She needs a partner to fix things when they break. She doesn't want to do her own plumbing anymore.

  ·  She needs a partner's support to feel really great.

The truth is, women today need men more than ever. They just need men in different ways.

Men can provide special support that can assist women in coping with the new stresses of modern life, but most women don't know how to get this support or to appreciate it properly when it is available.

With a greater awareness of her needs, a woman can begin to appreciate what she is getting and focus less on what she is not getting. With a more realistic vision of what is possible rather than the Hollywood fantasy of a man who fulfills her every wish, she is better able to appreciate his efforts and not take for granted all the things her partner already does provide.

When she learns to appreciate what a man already offers, a woman holds the key to asking for more in small reasonable increments to get the support she needs and deserves. This is not only a formula for success, but it is also what real love is all about.

I remember when this idea became very clear to me about six years into my own marriage with my wife, Bonnie. After some particularly great lovemaking, I commented, "This was as good as it was in the beginning." Her response taught me something important. She said that making love that night was actually better than in the beginning, because, as she explained, "In the beginning, we didn't really know each other. Now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. That is real love."

Bonnie helped me to have a richer understanding of lasting love. Love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing a life together, striving to meet each other's needs as best we can. Forgiving our partners for their mistakes and accepting their limitations can be just as fulfilling as appreciating their many gifts and successes.

Just as it was difficult for her to live with a man who didn't always measure up to her expectations, it was challenging for me to accept that I could not and did not provide everything her fantasy of a perfect relationship included.

Just as women need to let go of expecting men to be perfect, men need to let go of expecting women to think we are perfect. Together we have learned that our life does not have to be perfect for us to connect and support each other. Real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection. Sharing this kind of love enriches all aspects of our lives and brings increasing fulfillment.

Intimate and truly loving relationships make up the fabric of a fulfilling life. The relentless demands in our lives to have more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth. The social changes that have expanded our freedoms have also created the need for new ways to keep harmony in our most intimate relationships.