A Man Can Only Fill Up A Woman 10%

By John Gray

When a woman's oxytocin levels are low, it is only natural for her to seek out the support she needs at home to relieve stress. The problem with this picture is that women expect their partners to provide that support.

For thousands of years, women did not rely on men to generate most of the oxytocin support they need. They counted on the help of women in their community, while their husbands hunted or later earned a living.

Historically, men have only provided a small percent of the support that women need. The man has been a provider and protector. Though men still hold that role, it is not as significant, because women can provide for and protect themselves.

In fact, a man can only fulfill a small portion of the support women need to cope with the stresses they face today.

Imagine a woman's need for oxytocin to be a well that needs to be filled; a man can only fill about 10 percent. The rest of the well is her responsibility to fill.

When a woman is already almost full, a man is naturally highly motivated to bring her to the top. On the other hand, if the well is empty, and he provides his 10 percent, she is still quite empty. It feels to both that he has not made much of a difference.

By taking 90 percent responsibility for their own happiness and only expecting 10 percent from men, women can set up themselves and their partners for much greater success in the relationship.

Remembering this 90/10 metaphor can help you create realistic expectations for yourself and your partner.