Relationships Naturally Go Downhill Without Investment - Part 2
By John Gray
Study the following chart to see if you recognize how our behavior commonly changes over time. (This is 6 more in addition to the 6 yesterday. -- Jim)
Notice how the first two lines of behavior would produce testosterone for the man and oxytocin for the woman. However, the second two lines will do the opposite, suppress those hormones.
He is interested in her feedback...
She appreciates the way he does things...
She offers unsolicited help and advice...
He backs off because he has heard it before.
He plans dates, getaways, and vacations...
She enjoys taking time for fun things...
She resists taking time off, because she has so much to do...
He waits to find out what she wants to do, because she seems to have so many more requirements.
He starts out giving her lots of support and attention...
She freely gives and receives in the beginning...
As she gives him so much in return, he assumes that she is getting enough and stops...
When she is not getting as much, she gives more instead of asking for more or taking time for herself.
He takes risks and plans new things...
She appreciates his passion...
She puts a damper on that passion by pointing out his mistakes in the past...
He becomes more sedentary and does less, or repeats the same things.
He showers her with love and affection...
She happily gives her love and support without strings...
He becomes engrossed in his work...
When her support is not reciprocated, she feels taken for granted and resentful.
He brings her flowers...
She accepts him just the way he is...
Since he is doing the big stuff like providing and being faithful, he assumes he doesn't need to do the little stuff...
She expects him to know and do certain things. If she has to ask, it doesn't count.
It is vital to remember that caring and trusting behaviors are automatic in a NEW relationship, but the behaviors change as times sets in.
Expecting automatic romance in long-lasting relationships will set you up for failure and rejection.
Expecting your partner to repeat those early behaviors is especially unrealistic if he or she is under the influence of rising stress levels.
The irony in relationships is that in the beginning we instinctively do the very things that stimulate high levels of testosterone in men and oxytocin in women, but as time passes, we resist doing the very things that will make us feel great.
If you can just remember that your partner's loving behavior was just a glimpse of how you can be together, it creates hope instead of despair. Such a vision should motivate you to take responsibility for your happiness without blaming your partner. This attitude will free you to give your love unconditionally.
