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The Damage to Girls from Pre-Marital Sex
Article by Pastor Mark Gungor
 
The Damage to Girls from Pre-Marital Sex
by Mark Gungor                       (...read full article)

In my last e-newsletter, I wrote of how men "imprint" off of their early sexual experiences and when those experiences are outside of marriage the result is a sexually diminished man at best and a sexually damaged man at worst.  I have never received so many responses to a subject! 
 
I would like to answer some of the questions that came in as a result of what I wrote.  I had stated that I believe men become "damaged goods" as a result of sexual promiscuity, but many have asked, "What about the women?"
 
The answer, of course, is that a woman, too, receives a great deal of damage from being sexually promiscuous, and her damage is both psychological and physical.  Keep in mind I am describing all sexually promiscuous women with a very broad brush - the actual degree of damage varies from individual to individual. 

First the psychological damage:
 
When a woman experiences sex without commitment, she soon learns (falsely) that sex means little to nothing.  That is why so many married woman view sex as an unimportant side issue in marriage when it is, in fact, a key and central issue to a successful marriage.  She has inaccurately learned from other men that sex and commitment are two completely separate issues, which they are not. God's original plan was to use sex as the path to commitment. But because of promiscuity, she no longer views sex as a path to her husband's commitment. On the contrary, she begins to demand that commitment BEFORE sex is granted, something he is not wired to do. The result is a relationship that cannot thrive.
 
The physical damage:

As for the physical damage, science shows us that when a woman has sex with a man, a chemical called oxytocin is released into her system. Oxytocin is a neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human superglue and helps a woman bond with her infant. This chemical also helps a woman bond with her lover during sex. New scientific studies, however, suggest that if a woman has multiple sexual partners, this will lower her levels of oxytocin which in turn will damage her ability to bond. According to an article by Drs. John Diggs and Eric Keroack, "People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual."  [You can read the entire article at  http://www.abstinence.net ]
 
It is like taking a piece of strong packing tape and applying it to a box. Leave it alone, and it will hold that box together for decades and decades. Take it off and re-apply it and, well... it just doesn't hold as well anymore. Keep applying it and taking it off and applying it a taking it off and... I think you get the idea. This is what can happen to a woman who has multiple sex partners.
 
If this is true, then why do I believe men are the most damaged?  Because a sexually promiscuous woman, despite lowered levels of oxytocin and a less than positive attitude toward sex in general, still is internally wired to WANT to connect with her husband. Indeed, that desire is so strong, it causes her to fight through many of the negative side affects of her previous sexual experiences. A man, however, has no such natural "wiring". If he fails to properly "imprint" and bond to the wife of his youth, he may spend the rest of his life in a disconnected state from her. He may struggle with a continuing desire to connect with what he had imprinted on so many years earlier; hence his desire for porn, affairs, lust, etc... 
 
Again, not everyone experiences the same degree of damage from sex before marriage, but I don't believe anyone escapes untouched. Certainly, the evidence is strong enough it should cause you to have some very frank discussions with your teenagers.
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Mark Gungor is creator of books, videos, and seminars that are humorous but get across a clear scientific message of how we are "wired" for true and loving marriages... Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. http://www.laughyourway.com/
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God bless your marriage and family.
 
Jim Stephens
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