Daily Tips from The Marriage Library
Library pic
Valuable Information:
 
Simple Communication Secrets for Parents and Kids
 
By Dr. Denis Donovan 
Here are some very interesting tips that may surprise you a lot if you have children. This guidance is not what we tend to do naturally.   - Have a great day,  Jim
------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Simple Communication Secrets for Parents and Kids
Denis Donovan, MD 
Children's Center for Developmental Psychiatry 

Tired of trying to get your children to behave? The problem might be simply a matter of miscommunication... 
 
Here are some tips: 

Don't use a question instead of a command. Parents often question their kids instead of telling them what to do.

Don't ask an "empty" question -- one that doesn't even hint at what you want the child to do.

Example: A woman who wants her son to stop pushing boxes around in a toy store asks, "Do you want a spanking?" The child keeps pushing. Louder, she asks, "What did I just say?" Still no response. The child does not connect her questions with his actions. She should directly state what she wants him to do -- "Stop pushing those boxes."
Don't pose negative questions -- which invite negative responses.

Example: When you ask your child, "Can't you clean your room?" he/she is likely to respond with a simple "No." Or he will think, "Sure. But I don't want to." Again, just tell him, "Clean your room."
Don't end statements with "okay?" or "all right?" Parents who do this may be looking for acknowledgment that the child has heard them -- "Put on your boots, okay?"... "We're going to be leaving soon, all right?" But the child thinks he is being asked for his permission. Simply state what you want your child to do -- "Put on your boots."

Don't speak as "we". When you use "we", you take responsibility for the very behavior you are trying to influence. Your child hears "we" and decides that no action is required of him.

Example: "We're going to do better on our homework next time."... "Shall we take out the garbage?"
Say "you" when you want your child to take responsibility.
Don't refer to yourself as Mommy or Daddy. Parents tend to do this as a way of maintaining a connection with their children.

It is easier to say, "Don't talk that way to Daddy" or "Don't pull Mommy's hair" than it is to admit that your child is not being nice to you.

Children over age two-and-a-half use and understand personal pronouns, such as "I" and "me", and possessives, such as my or mine. Say, "Don't talk that way to me"... "Don't pull my hair."
Don't depersonalize objectionable behavior by saying "it". When you use the word "it", you are not specific about what your child did.
Describe exactly what bothered you so your child can take responsibility.

Example: Instead of saying, "It was a terrible day," say, "You misbehaved all day." Instead of "It was one of the most embarrassing experiences I ever had," say, "When you told your teacher to bug off during the parent-teacher conference, I was really embarrassed."
Don't explain. Some parents always explain why they are asking children to do something -- "Don't run into the street or you'll get hit by a car"... "Stop interrupting. It's rude."

Always giving kids reasons trains them to automatically ignore any command that is not accompanied by an explanation. They will always ask, "Why?" before they listen. Issue the command with no explanation. If your child asks why, reply, "Because I say so."
Many parents are surprised to find that children accept this -- and listen.
________________________________________
Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Denis Donovan, MD, medical director, Children's Center for Developmental Psychiatry, St. Petersburg, Florida. He is coauthor of What Did I Just Say!?!: How New Insights into Childhood Thinking Can Help You Communicate More Effectively with Your Child (Holt).

reprinted from Bottom Line/Personal, June 15, 2002
URL:http://www.bottomlinesecrets.com/blpnet/article.html?article_id=33463
 
__________________________________
 
God bless your marriage and family.
 
Jim Stephens
 
 Mark Gungor
Subscribe to these Daily E-Tips today!
 
Get helpful, easy, practical tips sent to you every day.
 
Low monthly subscription fee of only $5/month. 
 
Great investment for your marriage and family.
 
Get paid too. $3/month for everyone you refer.
 
Refer your friends. Enroll your church, school, or organization too.
 
Subscribe now using PayPal!
 
More info...
Got Questions? Jim Hiromi
Send me an email.
 
Subscribe Now
Subcribe
TODAY!
 
Refer your
friends &
relatives too. 
 
 
 
 

Refer this

 Daily E-Tip Newsletter to others and receive a $3 bonus each month for each new subscriber.
 
Use this "Forward to a Friend" button to send them today's E-Tip.
 
Forward to a Friend 
 
 
 

Check out the

 
since our
launch on Aug. 4
 
A huge library of resources is coming...
 
 
Jim Stephens
The Marriage Library