Brain Research Helps Men
and Women Understand Each Other
Better
Male brains usally
have less serotonin than female brains.
Since serotonin calms people down, men are
more likely to act explosively and compulsively.
Surprised? Probably not.
Men also
have less oxytocin in their brains. Michael
Gurian, author of
The Wonder of
Boys
, makes this observation:
"Oxytocin is part of what biologists call the
'tend-and-befriend' instinct. The higher the
oxytocin levels, the less aggressive the person is
likely to be.
Furthermore, the
person with higher oxytocin levels will tend to be
more immediately and directly empathetic, and more
likely to link bonding and empathy with verbal
centers of the brain, asking, 'How are you
feeling?' or 'Is everything okay?'"
Why is a husband less likely to tune in to
his wife's emotional pain and verbalize his
concern than, say, her sister, her mother, her
daughter, or her best friend? It's because his
brain doesn't work the same way a female brain
does. It just doesn't occur to him to connect his
affection with verbal inquiry.
Men's
brains also need to "rest" more than women's
brains, with the result being that men are more
inclined to seek "mental naps." Why do men
gravitate toward the television screen and then
launch through the channels instead of focusing on
one program? Men's brains get tired. At the end of
the day, men don't want plot, story, or character
development; men just want escape (think buildings
blowing up, cars crashing, tires squeeling.) All
the while, a woman's brain - which has 15 percent
more blood flow - is still running late in the day
and therefore better able to process complex
entertainent.
If a woman really
wants to motivate her man and communicate with
him, as well as enjoy a fulfilling marriage with
him and raise healthy kids with him, it's best to
NOT expect him to act or think like a woman. He
can't do that. Nor should he.
Talking to a man is different than talking to
a woman. The tactics and skills women use in
talking to their sisters, best friends, and
mothers, are not as well suited for communicating
with a man because a man's mind functions
differently.
Some similarities
exist, of course, so a few things interrelate. But
if a women expects a man to talk to her like her
lifelong best friend does, or her sister does, or
her mother does, she's being unfair. And she's
going to be disappointed - and probably
unhappy.
by Gary Thomas. Published
by Zondervan Publishing. 
