Stonewalling describes how men may shut down emotionally and verbally, ignoring you (or anyone else, even another man) and essentially withdrawing from the conversation.

Understandably, few things irritate women more than being tuned out. Women are designed for communication and their bodies reward them with a chemical called oxytocin when they are sharing with another person. However, men are not designed this way and it is a stereotypical male action to "tune out" when he is in an emotionally uncomfortable situation. Why is that?
 
A biological reason helps to explain what's going on: The male cardiovascular system remains more reactive than the female and slower to recover from stress. Marital confrontation and stress activates his body for vigilance and it actually takes a greater physical toll on the male.

Therefore, it's no surprise that men are much more likely than women to attempt to avoid conflict and distressing situations.
 
Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys , warns that most men don't immediately like to talk through distressing emotional events of any kind (frustrations at work, issues in relationships, or disappointments in life). This is because talking about such issues usually brings them cognitive discomfort. In other words, it hurts men to talk through hurtful experiences!

For women, talking through hurtful experiences can be very helpful and physically comforting because of the release of oxytocin. Because of the way the female brain works (with the release of oxytocin), talking through emotional issues has a calming effect.

The opposite is true for most men. Such discussions of emotional experiences can create anxiety and distress. Women probably feel soothed by talking through problems. However, for men, it can feel like torture. That's why men sometimes tune out, i.e. stonewall. It's a desperate (though admittedly unhealthy) act of self-defense for them.
 
When women come to understand this information, it can be very useful in their relationships. A verbal barrage back and forth will take much more out of her husband than it does out of her and besides that, it will take him longer to recover from such an episode.

This research helps explain why women who react when a man is struggling with his emotions by criticizing him, complaining, or displaying contempt will actually have the opposite result than what she wants. Women desire to effectively communicate with their men, but understanding how they are designed differently is very important rather than assuming he "should" be like her.
 
Instead of reacting with fury to a stonewalling husband, it's best for a woman to think about taking a breather and asking herself, "Why is my husband tuning me out?" The answer may have something to do with the way that he, being a man, is experiencing the emotional stress of the situation. If a woman reacts to a stonewalling husband with the same behavior that he is reacting to by the stonewalling, she'll only reinforce it.

 

Some good advice is to be gentle, be patient, and give him time.