This is one of the most powerful and profound books I have read in years. The insights it gives into problems that arise in human relationships are amazing. Page after page I was impressed with the depth of this research and its practical application to our day to day lives.

Relationships between husbands and wives, between parents and children, between friends, between co-workers and others are all negatively effected when we make mistakes. If we don't know how to successfully reconcile through the apology process, the relationship remains damaged and even worse takes another step toward a final and permanent breakdown.

This book was based on research with several thousand interviews asking people what it takes for them to really believe that an apology is sincere. The breakthrough conclusion is that people are very different in what they consider a true apology. What one person will accept is often not acceptable to another person.

What you might offer as an apology because it is acceptable to you may not be what the other person will accept. Based on your apology, you expect forgiveness and reconciliation. But if it is not forthcoming, you are confused and frustrated, even resentful. This can lead to compounded problems in the relationship and long standing quarrels and misunderstandings.

If your significant other is not using your "apology language", then it's easy to see how you might never be satisfied.

The book also contains an important chapter on "Apologizing To Yourself". This chapter is very insightful for many people who are trapped in self-condemnation and unable to love themselves.

In the back of the book is a 20 question quiz that allows you to discover your Apology Language. Just taking this quiz without doing anything else was a deep experience for me and showed me many deep insights into the concept.

Here is a link to the full Apology Language Quiz.

Here is a webpage that can give you a quick insight into what might be your Apology Language: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html

One chapter that I think is missing from the book and would have been an outstanding contribution to the whole subject would be called "Apologizing to God". How do we truly confess our sins to God and then be able to feel His forgiveness in return? It seems that a person with each of the five different "Apology Languages" would have a different encounter with God and require a different process to experience forgiveness and the Divine Love that appears on the other side.

I believe that this book can lead to a "paradigm shift" in human relationships, helping us get beyond being stuck, and showing us how to reach reconciliation whenever it's needed in our relationships.

I highly recommend this book. You should know that it is a very challenging read which will hit you very squarely in the heart.

Here are the "Five Apology Languages" in their briefest form.

"I am sorry."                               Expressing Regret
"I was wrong."                            Accepting Responsibility
"What can I do to make it right?" Making Restitution
"I'll try not to do that again."        Genuinely Repenting (Change)
"Will you please forgive me?"      Requesting forgiveness