For Men Only II: a straightforward guide to the inner lives of women

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For Men Only - Part 2:

a straightforward guide to the inner lives of women

By Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn

This book has great research and insights. This is part 2 of the Quick Start Guide. - Jim

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Quick Start Guide to For Men Only: a straightforward guide to the inner lives of women

Jeff Feldhahn's Note to the Reader:

This book is about something guys tend to think of as complex: the inner workings of women.

But after a year of research and input from more than 3,000 women - including a professional national survey - I've seen that they actually can be understood.

We've identified six key findings about women that explain many of the mysteries and enable you to love her the way you want to and be her hero. (Here are #4, #5, and #6. -Jim)

Key 4: Listening

Why does she...?

· Say she doesn't want you to fix it, she just wants you to listen? And what does that means, anyway?

· Say "You're not listening!" when you've already been listening to her for half an hour?

Here's why:

· When she is sharing an emotional problem (as opposed to, say, "The car has a flat tire"), what she is feeling about the problem is actually more important to her than the problem itself.

· What she is feeling is actually the "real problem." Therefore, listening to her feelings solves the problem.

What to do:

· Instead of filtering out her emotions to focus on the problem, lean to filter out the problem in order to focus on her feelings.

· Only after you have acknowledged her feelings will she want to focus on a solution.

Key 5: Sex

Why does she...?

· Rarely initiate sex?

· Say she enjoys it, but never seems to really want to start it?

· Say "Not tonight, honey," but still claim that she finds you irresistible?

· Say she doesn't feel "close enough" for sex - when sex would bring you closer?

Here's why:

· Most women (not all) are physically wired to crave sex less than men do. But they do enjoy it just as much.

· When most women avoid their husband's advances, it has nothing to do with his desirability - it has to do with the woman's physical differences, need for closeness in the relationship outside the bedroom, and need for "anticipation" time.

What to do:

· Give her either "warm up" time, or time to flirt and anticipate.

· Pursue her so she knows she's sexy to you outside the bedroom.

· Create a context of closeness and emotional security outside the bedroom.

Key 6: Beauty

Why does she...?

· Ask, "Do these pants make me look fat?"

· Ask, "How do I look?" then make you think you did something wrong when you tell her that she looks just fine?

· Get upset just because you noticed that scantily-clad woman walking past - even though no man who still has a pulse could have done otherwise?

Here's why:

· A woman has a deep need to know that her husband of boyfriend finds her beautiful.

· When she asks you how she looks, she is not asking whether she's presentable for the party. She wants to know that she still rocks your world.

· In this culture, where women subconsciously compare themselves with the scantily-clad women in the mall and on television, your wife or girlfriend looks to you for cues about whether she measures up in your eyes.

What to do:

· This one is a simple action with big impact: Tell her she's beautiful. Regularly.

· Make sure your visual choices tell her that she's the only woman for you.