When a man interrupts a woman in the middle of her conversation, she often feels that the man was not listening.

 

However, men often interrupt each other to make a point. They never feel as if the other person was not listening, particularly if the interruption was a good point or a relevant correction or argument.

The "relevancy" of the comment would actually prove to another man that he was listening. However, a women might conclude, "men don't listen." In actuality, it is more accurate to conclude he did listen but was not polite in letting her finish.

Men communicate with different rules. It is similar to basketball. The objective is to get the ball in the hoop. Players will pass it back and forth until one shot gets it. No one minds when a player hogs the ball IF his shot goes in. It's only a problem if his shot DOESN'T go in.

 

If a man interrupts to make a point and he's on target, the last thing he would conclude is that he was impolite or disrespectful. A woman however feels offended while he is left wondering why he's not getting points. He expects her to say something like "Good point!" She is expecting him to apologize for interrupting.

When a man interrupts he's usually expecting a woman to say something like, "Good point."

A man can refrain from interrupting a woman IF he knows what is expected from him; once again it is like basketball. There are times when a player gets a free throw. They take all the time they want and no one interferes. When communicating, if a woman doesn't feel comfortable bouncing ideas back and forth, she can directly say in a friendly tone, "Give me a few minutes to explain this fully and then tell me what you think."

There is no need to demand this or request it in a firm tone. He is happy to listen in this way; he just needs to know what is expected of him. This little request can make a world of difference. If he interrupts again, then once again, in a friendly tone, say, "OK, OK, I'll let you know when I'm done and you can tell me what you think."

This friendly, accepting approach by a woman goes over much better than feeling resentful because he is not listening.

Below are 8 common expressions women use when feeling the resentment of not being heard. Her attitude in how she says it is everything. Even these expressions would work fine if she delivered them humorously without a tone of resentment. To get a sense of how a man hears these comments, imagine a woman is feeling excluded and resentful and then makes any one of the following comments:

When a woman makes such comments with a resentful tone, then a man will become defensive. From his perspective, he is listening and responding. She can interrupt back at any time to make her point just like he is doing. The resentment makes him feel as if she is calling a foul on him when all along he has been playing by the rules.

Without knowing men and women use different rules for interruptions in conversation, men and women can easily become adversarial rather than supportive.

Ideally, the best response from a woman when she feels interrupted is not to take it personally and simply to interrupt back in a friendly way and continue her point. The easiest way to do this is to listen a little, compliment him, and then continue saying what she wanted to say. She could say, "Good idea, but." or "All right, let me try saying this differently."

There is a big difference between saying, "You are not listening" and "All right, let me try saying this differently." Although the message is really the same, the second message is non-accusatory and is a clear sign that she has not taken his interruption personally.
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