"A great civilization is not conquered from
without until it has destroyed itself from
within." - Ariel Durant
Our current culture has decried that
marriages of young adults in late teens or early
20's as a terrible idea since the couple is "too
young". But it wasn't long ago that such a
marriage would not have been thought of as
unusual, but rather the norm.
Let's talk about a threat that almost no
one seems to consider when we are talking about
delaying marriage: the elimination of
grandparents.
The culture of divorce that has been ripping
and tearing at our national family structure has,
so far, failed to destroy us. Though the
documentation of the damage divorce does to people
and particularly their children is sufficiently
solid, American homes (though patched and sown
together) have been able to hold together to some
degree. This has been in large part due to the
presence of grandparents.
These are the wonderful people who love their
grandchildren unconditionally and whose age,
wisdom and financial resources have played a key
role - in some cases the key role - as stabilizers
in those children's lives.
Those who delay marriage (and subsequently
child rearing) are denying themselves one
of the greatest joys men and women have cherished
for millennia: to participate in the lives of
their grandchildren.
Seldom, if ever, do young adults today think
of the joys that they want to have later in their
lives, mostly thinking of contemporary pleasures.
But ask any senior, "What is the greatest joy in
your life?" and they would most likely name
grandparenting as number one.
For centuries, men and women became
grandparents when they were in their late 40's and
early 50's - allowing them plenty of time to enjoy
and participate in their grandchildren's lives.
Then in their 70's and 80's they witnessed the
arrival of their great-grandchildren.
People who delay marriage and family today,
however, do not realize how greatly they are
cheating themselves by making it virtually
impossible to experience their grandchildren. And
for what? An extended adolescence? To drink more
beer or to experiment with more sexual partners?
To focus on their careers and a chance to make
money more quickly than their parents did?
Nobody is asking seriously if that will be
worth it.
If Bobby and Suzie wait until almost 30 to
marry and then 35 or greater to have children and
their children do the same... well just do the
math - they'll be 70 before their first
grandchildren are even born. Depending on their
health and longevity, they are at risk for not
being able to enjoy those grandchildren's
lives.
There is an even a greater tragedy for our
whole society that will occur than just individual
people not being able to enjoy their
grandchildren. As I already stated, grandparents
have been the very glue that has helped struggling
families stay together or to at least make their
grandchildren feel safe should their parent's
marriage fail. According to US Census Bureau
statistics:
6.1 million grandparents have grandchildren
younger than 18 living with them
2.5 million grandparents are
responsible for most of the basic needs of one
or more grandchildren
918,000 grandparents have been responsible
for caring for their grandchildren for at least
the past five years
477,000 grandparents have an income below
the poverty level and are still caring for their
grandchildren
By delaying marriage and having children, we
are participating in the foolish and systematic
removal of grandparents altogether. When the kids
of the next generation turn 7, 10, or 12 years of
age, there won't be many grandparents left to
speak of. The final blow to the American family
will be complete.
Sadly, many pastors and marriage proponents
themselves are participating in the destruction of
the very institution they seek to save by joining
in this foolish call for delayed
matrimony.
No matter what the statisticians say,
marriages do not fail because of age, money or
education - many of the underlying arguments
people cite for delaying marriage. Such thinking
is utter nonsense.
Marriages fail for one reason and one reason
only: one or both people become selfish. To imply
that young, poor or high-school graduates are
incapable of real commitment is an insult.
I find it curious that we have young, poor,
high-school graduates fighting for
our country overseas with great commitment -
some giving the very last measure of commitment by
sacrificing their very lives for their fellow
soldiers. Their amazing skills with multi-million
dollar equipment will astound you. Do we seriously
think they can't handle marriage if they are
taught how to do it?
Someday historians will write of the end of
Western civilization. I am sure that our
propensity for selfishness and narcissistic
behaviors is what they will point to as the reason
for our demise.
Advocating for delayed marriage will be just
one more reason we will succeed in destroying
ourselves from
within.
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