10 Marriage Mistakes
by Mark Goulston, M.D.
In life and love, you may think you're
supposed to always focus on the positive instead
of the negative. However, unless you become aware
of your own hurtful attitudes or actions -- so
that you can correct them -- your chances of
staying in love 'til death do you part are close
to zero.
To have your marriage last a lifetime, avoid
these 10 common mistakes:
1. Talking "at" instead of "with"
your mate. Let his or her body language
be your guide. When you're talking "at" your
partner, he or she will tense up. When you're
talking "with" your spouse, he or she will relax.
2. Tuning out -- instead of tuning in
-- to what your mate is saying. When your
mind begins to wander, stop and remember that what
your partner is saying is important to him or her.
3. Forgetting to thank your
mate. Not thanking your spouse for being
considerate, thoughtful or kind makes him or her
feel unappreciated and foolish for caring about
you.
4. Getting defensive instead of
saying, "I'm sorry." When you mess up,
the sooner you sincerely say, "I'm sorry," the
sooner your mate can stop resenting you.
5. Always saying, "I'm sorry," yet
never changing. An apology buys you
another chance. However, if you keep making the
same mistake, apologies not only seem empty, but
annoying as well.
6. Being repeatedly late.
Frequently keeping your partner waiting is not
only inconsiderate, it's arrogant.
7. Playing the victim. This
behavior not only accuses your spouse of hurting
you, but adds insult to injury by implying that he
or she is doing it intentionally, when that may
not be the case.
8. Jumping to conclusions.
Presuming that you know what your partner feels --
and why -- without first getting all the facts is
only going to push him or her away.
9. Badmouthing your spouse behind his
or her back. This not only adds to the
list of secrets you keep from your mate, but also
tells others how little you respect your partner.
10. Thinking that doing something
once is enough. If you only temporarily
stop making the above mistakes -- and don't
continue to monitor yourself to keep from slipping
back into bad habits -- you're teasing your
partner with changing. You're also kidding
yourself that you're committed to improving your
marriage, when really you're not.
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Dr.
Goulston is the author of
The 6 Secrets of a
Lasting Relationship
(Putnam, 2001).
_____________________________________________________
God bless your marriage
and family.
Jim
Stephens
