Today's Marriage Tip is part 2 from the
book, For Men Only: A Straightforward
Guide to the Inner Lives of Women. The
book is based on a huge nationwide survey and
hundreds of interviews. This is good stuff
for the guys. - Jim
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6 Things Women Wish Men
Knew About them -
Part 2 of
2
It is likely no surprise to you that God has
wired women and men differently. We all recognize
some of these differences, but others often hide
in plain sight.
"I believe that in understanding these
issues, you'll be equipped to lead your marriage
to a better place!", according to Jim
Burns.
4. Women want
men to hear and validate their feelings, not just
the problem at hand.
Most men know that their wives don't want
them to "fix" their problems. They want their
husbands to listen.
So, why is it that husbands can listen to
their wives talk, and still be accused of not
listening? It's because of the difference in the
way men and women handle emotions.
Men want to discard the clutter of emotions
and focus on the problem.
But, for women, how they feel about the
problem is the real problem.
When men listen with an ear to hear,
validate and empathize with their wives'
emotions about a problem, wives feel that they
have been heard.
5. Most women are wired to
desire sex less than men. But, not being "in the
mood" doesn't reflect a lack of desire for their
husband.
When men think about sex, they
process everything through the grid how
desirable they are. So, when wives aren't "in
the mood," it feels like rejection to men; that
they aren't desirable enough.
Most women on the other hand, find
that their husband's desirability has almost
nothing to do with their own sex drive.
Most women are wired with
"receptive desire." This means that while they
typically enjoy sex as much as men, they just
aren't wired as heavily to initiate sex.
Women need time for sexual
anticipation.
Further, for most women, sex is
more about emotional connectedness than it is
for men. Men would be wise to cultivate
closeness and emotional security with their
wives outside of the
bedroom.
6. Women need reassurance
that they're beautiful and that they rock their
husbands' world!
God has wired women with an
emotional need to know that their husbands still
find them beautiful.
In our culture that promotes
scantily clad women in all forms of media, women
subconsciously compare themselves to these
images and often find themselves not measuring
up.
So, when a wife asks her husband,
"Do these pants make me look fat?" she's not
really asking about the fit of the pants. She's
wondering if her husband still finds her to be
the apple of his eye.
Men should make an intentional
effort to regularly remind their wives that they
find them beautiful!
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Shaunti
Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper
columnist, author and speaker, and her husband,
Jeff, recently co-authored this book. Their
website contains all the surveys and the results
if you sign up for free membership.