This article is part 1 of 2. It is to
give practical guidance on how to change behavior
patterns that you might want to change
because they are causing problems in your
relationships. Read on. -
Jim
_________________________________________________
How To Make New Habits
and Change Old Ones: 29 Ways to Successfully
Ingrain a Behavior
by Leo
Babauta
"We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a
habit." - Aristotle
Our daily lives are often a series of habits
played out through the day, a trammeled existence
fettered by the slow accretion of our
previous actions.
But habits can be changed, as difficult as
that may seem sometimes.
I'm a living example: in tiny, almost
infinitesimal steps, I've changed a laundry list
of habits. Quit smoking, stopped impulse spending,
got out of debt, began running and waking early
and eating healthier and becoming frugal and
simplifying my life and becoming organized and
focused and productive, ran three marathons and a
couple of triathlons, started a few successful
blogs, eliminated my debt ... you get the
picture.
It's possible.
Today I thought I'd put the best tips all
together in one cheatsheet.
Keep it simple
Habit change is not that complicated. While
the tips below will seem overwhelming, there's
really only a few things you need to
know. Everything else is just helping these
to become reality.
The simple steps of habit change:
1. Write down your plan.
2. Identify your triggers and replacement
habits.
3. Focus on doing the replacement habits
every single time the triggers happen, for about
30 days.
That's it. We'll talk more about each of
these steps, and much more, in the cheatsheet
below.
Tips for Habit Change
The following is a compilation of tips to
help you change a habit. Don't be overwhelmed -
always remember the simple steps
above. The rest are different ways to help
you become more successful in your habit
change.
1. Do just one habit at a
time. Extremely important. Habit change
is difficult, even with just one habit. If you do
more than one habit at a time, you're setting
yourself up for failure. Keep it simple, allow
yourself to focus, and give yourself the best
chance for success. Btw, this is why New Year's
resolutions often fail - people try to tackle more
than one change at a time.
2. Start small. The smaller
the better, because habit change is difficult, and
trying to take on too much is a recipe for
disaster.
Want to exercise? Start with just 5-10
minutes. Want to wake up earlier? Try just 10
minutes earlier for now. Or consider half
habits.
3. Do a 30-day Challenge. In
my experience, it takes about 30 days to change a
habit, if you're focused and consistent. This is a
round number and will vary from person to person
and habit to habit. Often you'll read a magical
"21 days" to change a habit, but this is a myth
with no evidence. Seriously - try to find the
evidence from a scientific study for this. A more
recent study shows that 66 days is a better number
(read more). But 30 days is a good number to get
you started. Your challenge: stick with a habit
every day for 30 days, and post your daily
progress updates to a forum.
4. Write it down. Just
saying you're going to change the habit is not
enough of a commitment. You need to actually write
it down, on paper. Write what habit you're going
to change.
5. Make a plan. While you're
writing, also write down a plan. This will ensure
you're really prepared. The plan should include
your reasons (motivations) for changing,
obstacles, triggers, support buddies, and other
ways you're going to make this a success.
More on each of these below.
6. Know your motivations, and be sure
they're strong. Write them down in your
plan. You have to be very clear why you're doing
this, and the benefits of doing it need to be
clear in your head. If you're just doing it for
vanity, while that can be a good motivator, it's
not usually enough. We need something stronger.
For me, I quit smoking for my wife and kids. I
made a promise to them. I knew if I didn't
quit smoking, not only would they be without
a husband and father, but they'd be more likely to
smoke themselves (my wife was a smoker and quit
with me).
7. Don't start right away.
In your plan, write down a start date. Maybe a
week or two from the date you start writing out
the plan. When you start right away (like today),
you are not giving the plan the seriousness it
deserves. When you have a "Quit Date" or "Start
Date", it gives that date an air of significance.
Tell everyone about your quit date (or start
date). Put it up on your wall or computer desktop.
Make this a Big Day. It builds up anticipation and
excitement, and helps you to prepare.
8. Write down all your
obstacles. If you've tried this habit
change before (odds are you have), you've likely
failed. Reflect on those failures, and figure out
what stopped you from succeeding. Write down every
obstacle that's happened to you, and others that
are likely to happen. Then write down how you plan
to overcome them. That's the key: write down your
solution before the obstacles arrive, so you're
prepared.
9. Identify your triggers.
What situations trigger your current habit? For
the smoking habit, for example, triggers might
include waking in the morning, having coffee,
drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out
with friends, driving, etc. Most habits have
multiple triggers. Identify all of them and write
them in your plan.
10. For every single trigger,
identify a positive habit you're going to do
instead. When you first wake in the
morning, instead of smoking, what will you do?
What about when you get stressed? When you go out
with friends? Some positive habits could include:
exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing,
decluttering, and more.
"Habit is habit, and not to be flung out
of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a
step at a time." - Mark Twain
Tips #11 through #29 will appear in
tomorrow's Marriage
Tips.
Click
here 
