She Says, "That's the Worst Meal I Ever Made!"

By Emerson Eggerichs

A wife comes home from work and fixes the evening dinner. She not only had a bad day, nothing goes right with the food preparation. She burns the meat, she had no lettuce for the salad, the fire alarm went off, she overcooked the vegetables, and she forgot some ingredient to the pecan pie which left it liquid. Later, to her husband, she says with sadness and slumped shoulders, "That's the worst meal I've ever made."

He replies, "No it isn't, honey."

Feeling inadequate already, her insecurity prompts her to yell, "What do you mean 'No it isn't, honey?' You're saying I've made a lot of worse meals! You've been holding this against me, haven't you?"

If the guy is full of goodwill, trying to comfort, he might stand there in utter disbelief. If he's been feeling a bit unappreciated himself and that she's been critical and negative toward him, he says to himself, "I don't have to put up with this." He exits the house.

Later that evening, as they retire for bed, he wants to be intimate. She cold shoulders him, so he cold shoulders her. He doesn't talk to her the next day. She tells him the next night that he is an uncaring human being.

Round and round it goes. Where it stops nobody knows. Well, not exactly. We can get you off this crazy cycle.

On my web site, go to the right column that is titled "Newcomer Checklist." Then click on Understand the Crazy Cycle." There you'll read the stories of the Diet book and Marriage book. Take heart! You are not alone. We are in this together, and we believe that you'll find that what you're experiencing is similar to all of us.

We believe most couples have good will. However, our maleness and femaleness affects our communication in such a way that we hurt each other.

In some cases we grow suspicious. "Why doesn't my spouse get it?" This web site seeks to clarify the good will and create mutual understanding.

We believe good things are in store for that couple who mutually understands two simple truths.

One, a wife needs to feel loved during a conflict. If she feels unloved, unfortunately she can react in very disrespectful ways. We provide help through our resources that enable a husband to reassure his wife and soften her negative reaction. A slight adjustment on his part, which isn't tough to do, creates a huge and positive shift in the marriage. He won't lose face in doing this and will not be asked to be feminine in doing this!

Two, a husband needs to feel respected during a conflict. (We take the position that most husbands are assured of a wife's love whereas a wife wonders, "Does my husband really love me?") If he feels disrespected, sadly he can react in very unloving ways. We enable a wife to help her husband understand where she is coming from and to defuse his negative reaction. Certainly, we know a wife does not "feel" respect when she feels her husband does not deserve respect. But, if she is willing to give her husband a very small, inexpensive gift of what we call unconditional respect, which takes all of a few seconds, it can be worth a million dollars to him.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens