Can you hear me now?

By Gary Chapman

We are all busy. Often, too busy to listen. And yet, listening is the only way you will ever come to understand your spouse's thoughts and feelings.

Listening takes time and requires focus.

Many people pride themselves in being able to listen while reading e-mails or watching television. One husband said, "my wife insists that I sit down and listen to her. I feel like I'm in a straitjacket, like I'm wasting time."

When you drop everything, look at your spouse and listen, you communicate, "You are the most important person in my life."

On the other hand, when you listen while doing other things, you communicate: "You are one of my many interests."

Listening is a powerful expression of love.

You will never resolve conflicts if you don't learn to listen.

Many people think they are listening when in fact they are simply reloading their verbal guns. Listening means seeking to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. It is putting ourselves in the other person's shoes and trying to look at the world through their eyes.

Here's a good sentence with which to begin. "I want to understand what you are saying because I know it is important." One man told me that he made a sign which read: "I am a Listener." When his wife started talking he would hang it around his neck to remind himself of what he was doing. His wife would smile and say, "I hope it's true." He learned to be a good listener.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens