16 NEVERS When Resolving Conflict - Part 1

By Tommy Nelson

Never #1: Never Speak Rashly

Weigh your words before you speak, especially if you are feeling emotionally upset about a situation or circumstance.  Back away and give your endocrine system a chance to return to normal.  Always keep in mind that it's not only what you say that matters, but how and when you speak. 

Very often in a marriage, a person reacts to how a person speaks far more than to what is said.  An angry, belittling, or hateful tone of voice is going to bring about a response, even if what is said is rather benign.  

The more benign the content of such communication, the more the statement is going to be perceived as sarcasm or cynicism, which also brings about a negative response in most people.  

Proverbs 15:1 tells us, "A harsh word stirs up anger."

Never #2: Never Confront Your Mate Publicly

Have you ever watched or overheard a couple argue in a public place, perhaps at the table next to you in a restaurant?  You feel sorry for both persons - the one who is the recipient of an angry harangue and the one who is engaging in such terrible behavior because that person doesn't realize how much embarrassment he is bringing upon himself.   

Jesus taught, "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone" (Matthew 18:15).

If you have an issue to bring up with your spouse, do so in the privacy of your home. 

Never #3: Never Confront Your Spouse in Your Children's Presence

Your children in no way benefit from watching the two of you quarrel. They will invariably respond to the tone of your disagreement than to what is being said.  

They will feel defensive for themselves and defensive for the spouse they feel is getting a verbal lashing.  They are likely to disrespect both parents for engaging in this behavior, either at the time or in later years.

As a parent, you have the job of modeling good communication before your children.  Heated arguments or confrontational, combative, critical statements are not good communication for children to copy.  

Proverbs 17:1 affirms "Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife."  

A tense home will make a boy long for his driver's license so he can be free of it. 

A young girl will long for some man to remove her from it - all too often, the wrong man.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens