16 NEVERS When Resolving Conflict - Part 2
By Tommy Nelson
Never #4: Never Use Your Children In Conflict
Sometimes parents ask one of their children to side with them in an argument, to help them in their defense, or even to lie for them. Again, this is not modeling good communication skills or good conflict resolution.
A child needs the assurance that both parents love each other and are able to resolve their differences by themselves. To ask a child to side with one parent is to put the child in an extremely awkward and undesirable position.
Too many people I know have been pulled between their parents like a rope in a tug-of-war match. They resent the fact that their parents did that to them and they feel less respect for parents as a result.
Never #5: Never say "Never" or "Always"
These are words that polarize, accuse and define another person. These words take an issue to the extreme. It is more productive to stay neutral in your emotions and say things like, "I don't appreciate it when....", or "I feel bad when you...." (then stating the specific behavior).
Never #6: Never Resort to Name-Calling
This is a sure-fire way to turn up both the heat and the hurt in an argument. Name-calling is always negative in tone, citing a weakness or a flaw in the other person and exaggerating it.
Never #7: Never Get Historical
Remember forgiveness! By dredging up the past, recalling past sins and then applying them to recent behavior you are only sending the signal that you are unforgiving. I am amazed in counseling sessions when a person says, "Don't you remember five years ago when you...?" The person making this statement is bitter and angry at a very deep level. This bitterness and anger are far more important to address than misbehavior, error or sin committed five years ago.
"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens