Men and Feelings
By John Gray
At this point, you may be wondering whether a man needs to talk about his feelings.
A man likes to share feelings, but he can do it after they have made love or while they are watching the sunset or the moonrise. Sharing feelings is a way for men to connect, but it is not the best way for him to release stress.
It can be useful for a man to explore and share his feelings to heal his past in therapy, or to help him go through a very stressful time. He will have the best results if he does so in a journal, with a relationship coach or counselor, or with someone other than his romantic partner.
She can support him by giving him lots of space and appreciating what he does. When a man cares for the feelings of his romantic partner, his romantic attraction grows. When a woman becomes too involved in how her partner feels, she tends to become more maternal and goal-oriented, taking too much responsibility for him. This not only weakens him but places an additional burden on her.
Rather than relying on emotional support from his partner, a man can best cope with his stress by solving problems and being there for her. Having Venus Talks for her is particularly good for a man even when he is going through a stressful time. Focusing on her problems can be a significant relief for him. This is why men will often watch the news. As he focuses on the problems of others, he can temporarily forget his own.
Instead of having to deal with and feel responsible for all the stressors and problems in his life, he can do something concrete that will help his partner. By doing this one simple task of listening, he can give up having to do all those other things for a time. Helping her in this way actually supports him as well.
Ironically, as a man feels he doesn't have to do more to please his partner, he will begin to do more. A greater understanding of what she experiences stimulates him and creates extra energy to be more affectionate, plan fun and romance, and finish his chores around the house.
Following the guidelines of Venus Talk makes communication between Mars and Venus so much easier. A man doesn't have to understand her feelings and find a solution at the same time. This makes listening so much easier.
On Mars, men display their caring by doing something or saying something to solve the problem. In a Venus Talk, listening is the only thing he does to solve the problem.
Remember, a man's capacity for empathy is not nearly as developed as it is in a woman. The emotional part of the brain is twice as big in a woman; the stress center in a man's brain, the amygdala, is twice as big, and is directly linked to his action centers.
His testosterone-oriented nature seeks to solve problems right away. When he understands that listening can solve her biggest problem, which is to increase oxytocin levels, he can easily do it.
With practice, the empathetic part of his brain will begin to develop. This is the miracle of the brain. If we don't use it, we lose it. If we challenge our brains or repeat a behavior, new brain cells grow, and new neural pathways are formed.
As a man practices Venus Talk with his partner, he will gradually grow in his ability to feel empathy and compassion. This new man brings hope for the future. He is not a man who has become like a woman, but a man who has learned to listen with his heart.
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God bless your family and your marriage.
Jim Stephens
