One Hundred Ways for Women to Create Oxytocin on Their Own
By Jim Stephens based on John Gray: Why Mars and Venus Collide
What follows is a random list of oxytocin-producing activities that can help a woman fill up her tank on her own. These are activities in which a woman treats herself well by doing things for herself that are rewarding, fulfilling, comforting, and involve connecting with others besides her partner. Oxytocin production is stimulated by tending-and-befriending behavior.
A man can only help a woman with about 10% of her oxytocin needs. Historically women got most of their oxytocin needs met by activities with other women during the day. Now when so many women work in a highly testosterone environment, they need to understand the types of activities which will help rebuild their oxytocin.
If a woman can meet 90% of her own needs, she'll be feeling very good when she sees her man. When he adds that extra 10%, she'll then be feeling really great and he'll be able to take credit for it (raising his testosterone).
If a woman is around 0% and depleted of oxytocin, even if the man adds 10%, it will seem insignificant to her. He'll also feel like a failure. That will have a negative effect on his testosterone levels. It's going to be a win-win or a lose-lose.
1. Get a massage.
2. Get your hair done.
3. Get a manicure and/or pedicure.
4. Plan a Venus night out with your girlfriends.
5. Talk to a friend on the phone.
6. Have a non-business-related meal with a friend.
7. Cook a meal with a friend and clean up together.
8. Meditate while walking or do deep breathing while exercising.
9. Paint a room with family or friends.
10. Listen to music.
11. Sing in the shower.
12. Take singing lessons.
13. Sing in a group.
14. Take a scented bath.
15. Light candles at dinner.
16. Shop for fun with a friend.
17. Visit a day spa or take a spa vacation with friends.
18. Give yourself a facial.
19. Work out with a personal trainer.
20. Take a yoga class.
21. Take a dancing class.
22. Walk for at least an hour.
23. Schedule a regular walk-and-talk with a friend.
24. Prepare a meal for friends with a new baby.
25. Prepare a meal for friends and family who are sick.
26. Plant roses and other fragrant flowers in the garden.
27. Buy fresh-cut flowers for your home.
28. Grow and tend a vegetable garden.
29. Go to a farmer's market.
30. Prepare a meal from your own garden or with locally grown produce.
31. Take a hike.
32. Camp out in a group.
33. Hold a baby.
34. Pet, hold, and care for a pet.
35. Take a "girlfriend getaway."
36. Ask someone to carry something.
37. Ask for help.
38. Take time to browse in a bookstore with no agenda.
39. Read a good book.
40. Collect your friends' best recipes.
41. Take a cooking class.
42. Get household help for cooking, cleaning up. shopping. and house care.
43. Hire a good handyman.
44. Plan fun family activities.
45. Make a meal a special occasion by using your best china and linens.
46. Participate in a Parent Teacher Association meeting.
47. Bake for fund-raisers.
48. Go to the theater, concerts, and dance performances.
49. Have a picnic with friends and family.
50. Plan special occasions to look forward to.
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