The most simple answer is "rigidity". In essence we are saying, "My way is the right way, and if you don't do it my way, I'll make your life miserable."  The arguer insists on getting his own way. 
 
Conflict resolvers have a different attitude.  They say, "I'm sure we can work this out in a way that will be positive for both of us.  Let's think about it together."  They look for a win-win resolution. They begin by respecting each other's ideas and looking for a solution instead of trying to win an argument. 
 
The Scriptures say, "Love does not demand its own way."  Actually, love is looking out for the other person's interest. "What would be best for you?" is the question out of love.
 
You will never resolve conflicts if you don't learn to listen.
 
Many people think they are listening when in fact they are simply reloading their verbal guns. Listening means seeking to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. It is putting ourselves in the other person's shoes and trying to look at the world through their eyes. 
 
Here's a good sentence with which to begin. "I want to understand what you are saying because I know it is important."  
 
We are all busy.
 
Often we are too busy to listen. And yet, listening is the only way you will ever come to understand your spouse's thoughts and feelings. Listening takes time and requires focus.
 
Many people pride themselves in being able to listen while reading e-mails or watching television. But can they really? One husband said, "My wife insists that I sit down and listen to her. I feel like I'm in a straitjacket, like I'm wasting my time." Does she think he's listening? 

Listening is a powerful expression of love.
 
When you drop everything, look at your spouse and listen, you communicate that "You are the most important person in my life." 

 

On the other hand, when you listen while doing other things, you communicate: "You are one of my many interests."