Arguing Gets You Nowhere You Want To Go

By Gary Chapman

When you choose to argue with your spouse, you are electing to use a "judicial system" to convince your spouse of the truth or validity of your position.

Arguments quickly become charged with emotion and you may end up yelling, screaming, or crying; pouring out words that assassinate your mate's character; questioning his or her motives; and condemning his or her behavior as unloving, unkind, and undisciplined.

When you argue, your objective is the same as it would be in a courtroom: You want to win the case. You want your side to be vindicated and your spouse to be found guilty of your accusations. This is what is so gravely harmful about arguments.

They lead to one of three results: (1) You win and your spouse loses; (2) you lose and your spouse wins; or (3) you argue to a draw and both lose.

Any victory by means of an argument will be short lived.

Once a conflict is revealed, a couple must find a way to resolve it with dignity and with respect for the other person.