Ten Effective Alternatives To Nagging - Part 2
By Michele Weiner-Davis
Let's face it. Relationships can be frustrating sometimes. They can be particularly frustrating when we want something from our partners and they resist doing it.
And when nothing changes, we find ourselves saying the same thing over and over and over. In other words, we nag. It would be one thing if nagging worked, but the truth is, not only doesn't it work, it usually breeds hostility and distance.
But what besides nagging can you do if you really need to get through to your spouse? Take a deep breath. The following are ten effective nagging alternatives. (The first 3 were in yesterday's Tip. - Jim)
4. Match your spouse's learning style.
Sometimes, when you ask your spouse to do something and it doesn't get done, part of the problem might be that he or she is not tuned into your words. If, on the other hand, you were to write your request down and give your spouse a list, it might get done much sooner.
Why? Well, we all have different learning styles.
Some people are auditory learners; they learn through what they hear. Lectures would be a good way to learn new material. Other people are visual learners; they learn through what they see. Photos, written lists, slides at a lecture would be helpful ways to take in information. Yet other people learn through movement and touch. If they take notes or move their bodies in some way, they are bound to take in the information.
So, when you ask your spouse to do something, you are relying on the fact that he or she is an auditory learner when in fact, that may not be the case. So experiment. Write your request down and see if it makes a difference. You may be very surprised
5. Experiment with different methods.
If a face-to-face conversation doesn't get through to your spouse, try emailing, calling on your cell phone, sending a card, texting or leaving a voicemail. Sometimes how you deliver your message is the most important factor.
6. Speak your partner's love language.
Everybody feels loved in different ways. If your spouse has stubbornly resisted your requests to do something, it may mean that he or she feels hurt or unappreciated.
Even if you are angry at your spouse for not being more considerate to you, your spouse may be feeling the same way. You can wait for your spouse to change - not a good idea - or you can tip over the first domino by showing love to him or her (even if you think it isn't deserved).
If, for example, your spouse is upset that your sex life has fallen off the chart, he or she might shut down and not be particularly helpful to you. Try being more affectionate and watch the miracle of reciprocity.
Here's another example, if your spouse wants you to spend more time together and it hasn't happened lately, try making special time for each other. Watch your spouse melt and be more willing to cooperate. Remember that old saying, "If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours?" Simple, but true.
