Ten Sex Secrets of Really Happy Couples - Part 1
They don't do it every day (whew!). They believe in quickies (yay!). Read on for other reassuring truths about what a sexually healthy marriage looks like.
By Lisa Lombardi
Being an enlightened married girl, you know the latest thinking on what makes for a happy marriage: Fight fair. Give him solo time -- and find your own. Never roll your eyes at him (even if he just declared Monster Garage the best show on TV). But what do happy couples do right in the bedroom? To find out, we picked the brains of top marriage and sex experts. These moves aren't exotic, they don't defy gravity -- they're not even all sex moves, per se -- but they'll make you feel closer to him than ever before.
1. They get busy, period.
You don't have to do the deed every day -- or every six days, for that matter -- to have a great marriage. But there's no way around this fact: "The happiest couples have sex on a regular basis," says Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free.
Avoiding a sex drought is crucial, because healthy sex reinforces and deepens closeness. "Couples who don't keep sex going leave a wide-open space where other people start to look attractive," notes Tessina.
And regular sex sessions are especially important for guys. "One of the primary ways a man feels close to his partner is by being sexually close to her; it's how he arrives at intimacy," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago.
When a guy doesn't get that regular body-bonding, he isn't inspired to be romantic, which tends to cause his wife's libido to wane, creating a vicious circle, explains Berman. That said, there's no need to stress if you sometimes let a week or two go by without sex. In fact, in some amazing marriages, sex is a once-every-other-week occurrence.
What's key is that you're both happy with your number. If you're connecting sexually once a month or less, though, you may want to start a "meeting of the minds" with him to make sure neither one of you is secretly craving more action. And if you are? Check out #2, below, and ease into a sexier marriage.
2. They touch out of bed, too.
They're not the scary PDA couple, feeling each other up in the frozen food aisle. But they are the sort to hug for no reason, swap foot rubs just because and even make foreplay the main course. "There are five degrees of touch, and couples in the best marriages regularly do at least four of them," says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., marriage and sex therapist and author of Rekindling Desire.
"Many couples have two modes of affection: nothing or intercourse, and when that's the case, 'nothing' usually wins out," he explains. Why? When a kiss or back rub always leads to nooky, spouses may end up avoiding contact unless they want sex. A better idea: Get hands-on when you're not hoping to get it on. "Your sex will become much more natural, because one kind of touch flows into another," says McCarthy.
By physically connecting in small ways throughout the day, you stay warmed up for intense action later. And you'll still feel close on those inevitable nights when you're too stressed or tired (or both!) for the main event.
Find this article at:
http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/sex/happy-couple-secrets