What Does Your Partner Want To Hear From You?

By Bea and Jim Strickland

John Gray, author Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus and several other Mars and Venus books, says that the most important thing that a man can say to his wife is "I love you" and the most important words that a wife can say to her husband are "Thank you." That is, he says, because women want love and men want appreciation.

But that is his opinion. What is important for your relationship is your opinion.

What are the most important things that your spouse can say to you? By the way, there is much more to a relationship than talking to your partner. For example knowing what not to say is important and so is when not to talk. But for this exercise we are talking about the little positive phrases that can add so much to a relationship.

Step 1. In the following list, indicate beside each phrase how important it is for you to hear that phrase from your partner (whether or not you are hearing that phrase now).

Indicate the importance to you of each phrase with a V - very important, S - somewhat important, L - little importance

Add any other phrases that are important to you and indicate their importance as well.

Things I would like to hear from my partner

Give me a hug.   (V  S  L)

I was wrong.   (V  S  L)

Let's go shopping for clothes (for you).   (V  S  L)

Let me help you with (your chore).    (V  S  L)

Let's just cuddle tonight.   (V  S  L)

Thank you (for doing your chore).   (V  S  L)

I love you.   (V  S  L)

You are beautiful/handsome.   (V  S  L).

You are smart.   (V  S  L)

I'm sorry.   (V  S  L)

I appreciate that you (did something for me).    (V  S  L)

Can I just listen to you?   (V  S  L)

How can I help?   (V  S  L)

You are my best friend.   (V  S  L)

You are important to me.   (V  S  L)

Let's go out to dinner.   (V  S  L)

Let's have sex tonight.   (V  S  L)

Tell me what is wrong. (Are you upset?)   (V  S  L)

You did a great job on (some task).   (V  S  L)

I'd like to talk about us.   (V  S  L)

Here's the remote.   (V  S  L)

Do you want to talk about it?   (V  S  L)

I need you.   (V  S  L)

Will you forgive me?   (V  S  L)

How can I make our relationship better?   (V  S  L)

(Nothing or silence)   (V  S  L)

Step 2: Review your partner's paper. Sit "knee-to-knee" and discuss -- especially the surprises.

Step 3: Check three phrases from your partner's list that you can and will add to your relationship vocabulary.

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens