Ten Sex Secrets of Really Happy Couples - Part 2

By Lisa Lombardi

3. They have forgive-and-forget sex.

Makeup sex may not always be madly passionate, but couples who do it have an emotional advantage. Why? You're keeping up intimacy during tough times, which is a key to making love last, says Tessina.

Whether you actually fool around or just kiss and cuddle, "makeup sex heals a rift," she adds. Reaching across the divide and touching your guy lets him know in a very powerful, nonverbal way that though you disagree with him, your love isn't on the line.

So it can put an insignificant squabble in perspective, as Janine, 32, a writer in Brooklyn, discovered. "Bill and I used to have endless fights about small things, so at one point I said, 'Next time we're fighting about something stupid, just kiss me and it'll be over,'" she says. He didn't believe something so simple would work, she says, but "we've found holding and kissing each other can bridge the gap more effectively than hours of discussion about whether we're seeing each other's point of view."

4. They never withhold nooky as punishment.

Warning: "Expressing anger by never being in the mood will doom your sex life," says Tessina.

Withholding sex turns what should be a loving and giving act into a commodity. Once sex becomes part of a couple's power struggle, so much resentment builds that soon neither partner wants sex.

So instead of feigning fatigue or rolling away from your guy next time you're annoyed, speak up and clear the air -- without sex being on the table.

5. They don't expect Hollywood sex.

We can all picture it: candles glowing, white 1,000-thread-count bedsheets billowing, lovely lovemaking culminating in simultaneous, earthshaking orgasms. The only thing is, that almost never happens, says Barry McCarthy. And the duos who are most likely to succeed wisely know not to expect it.

"When you're living together and have two kids, two jobs, etc., if you're having Hollywood sex once a month, you're doing great," he says.

How great? According to McCarthy, among happily married couples, up to 15 percent of erotic encounters are not even enjoyable for one or both spouses. Maybe the sex is hurried, physically uncomfortable or doesn't lead to the final fireworks.

Secure couples are able to roll with off-nights, rather than taking them as a sign that something's wrong with their relationship.

And they don't postpone sex until all the planets are perfectly aligned, either.

"When my husband or I have a bad day, we like to say, 'Ignore me and screw me,'" says Tessina. "The idea is, don't tiptoe around my bad mood, let's just do it."

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http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/sex/happy-couple-secrets