Ten Sex Secrets of Really Happy Couples - Part 4

By Lisa Lombardi

8. They know how to get from dog poop to passion.

"One of the hardest things to do is to transition from, say, paying bills to being sexy with each other," says Tessina.

Successful couples find remarkably unremarkable ways to snap each other out of daily grind mode. How? They figure out their own shorthand for "let's be sexy together." Maybe your man stretches out on the sofa after the kids are in bed and invites you to hop up next to him. Or you swat his butt. Or say, "Gosh, there's nothing on TV tonight, I wonder how we could ever fill the time?!"

9. They're playful.

Sure, super couples can be intense when it counts (see #7), but they're also silly with each other on a daily basis.

And having that playful streak is a prerequisite for passion. "A shared sense of humor is a very intimate thing," says Tessina, "because it shows you have great communication and understand how the other thinks."

In fact, Tessina has found that the intense passion of the courtship days often turns into silliness -- which is actually a form of flirting. Amelia, 31, and her husband Jeff, 32, of New York City, get a kick out of exchanging over-the-top romantic greeting cards. "Neither of us is into mushy things, so when Jeff first bought me an oversize Valentine's Day card with glittery roses and poems on it, I cracked up," says Amelia, married three years. "Now we always surprise each other with the sappiest cards we can find."

10. They believe in quickies.

Fast sex can be good sex.

"Quickies are essential because they're efficient," says Tessina. "We just don't have endless hours to make love."

Amen, says Lori, 33, an accountant in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, who relies on short and sweet sex to stay connected to her husband during tax season. "When I come home at 10 at night, I am so exhausted that sex with lots of foreplay isn't an option," she says. "So I ask him, in the sexiest voice I can muster, 'Want to have a quickie?' Of course he's always up for it, so it works for both of us." And that's key.

Because though sex isn't everything, says Berman, when it isn't working, it's a huge factor that creates problems that wouldn't otherwise be there. "Couples who are connecting sexually are more compassionate and forgiving, more romantic and intimate, less lonely and sad, and much less susceptible to conflict," she says. "They have this amazing connecting fiber holding them together."

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