Five Tips To Fight Less And

Love More - Part 2

By Laurie Puhn

(Part 1 was yesterday.)

As author of the new book "Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In", I offer you five simple tips to keep peace in the family and make your love connection grow.  

You might be surprised to find that I am not going to tell you to talk more as many experts insist; instead I am going to show you how to use just a few minutes a day to talk better.

4. Follow-Up. A little bit of remembering shows a lot of love.

If you know your spouse has an important meeting, doctor's appointment, job interview etc., be sure to follow up with your mate that day. Call, email, text or ask in person, "How did it go?" This sends a clear message: I care about you and you are important to me.

Make it a habit to do this whenever something unique happens during your mate's day.

And if you seldom have anything to follow up on, that's a telltale sign that you don't know or care about what is going on during your mate's days. So start asking, listening and remembering.

It's also a great idea to follow up on your children's daily activities. But be sure to teach them to reciprocate and ask you about your day too.

5. Disagree without Being Disagreeable.

An easy way to start a fight is to quickly jump in to say "You're wrong" or "That's a stupid idea!"

Meanwhile, a better, more loving way to make the same point is to use a wise question. The moment you know you disagree with what your spouse said, stop and ask the powerful question, "Why do you think that?"

Listen to the answer (you may uncover some new information to alter your opinion), then feel free to disagree without using judgmental words. By holding your tongue and listening first (even if it's only for a minute), you show respect. And when your children overhear you, they learn an important lesson about how to turn a disagreement into a conversation.

The values we hold dear to us - respect, appreciation, compassion, loyalty and companionship - are fostered or destroyed every day by our word choices and actions.

If you resolve to use these five simple communication tips, you will discover that your love will be stronger and better than ever.