50 Small Things That Make A BIG Difference - Part 1
Adapted from Mort Fertel by Jim Stephens
Did you ever hear the Paul Simon song, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"? It's a humorous song about a not-so-funny subject (the break-up of Simon's marriage). I don't want you to hop on a bus or drop off your keys, but the song does make a good point about how to succeed in marriage.
See, the song's ultimate point is that once you make up your mind to do something, action is sure to follow. Whether you decide to leave or love, it's the decision that's most important. Once the decision is in your head, there are 50 ways you could do either.
If you decide you want to have a good marriage, the only question left is HOW. Everyone WANTS to have a great marriage. But very few people have a clue how to go about it.
If your marriage needs fixing, let's be clear about one thing first. It happens through ACTIONS. You'll never be able to blab your way out of a situation you behaved yourself into. You must act.
If your marriage is in trouble, you can't turn it around with one Herculean event. There's no gift you can give, favor you can do, or letter you can write. When your marriage is on the rocks, it's common to want to "microwave" it better. But you can't. There's no quick fix. There's no one thing you can do or say that will turn things around. It took you years to get into this mess; it's going to take time for you to get out of it. And what's the way out? Listen carefully.
You can succeed if at least one spouse commits to doing SMALL THINGS in great ways over an extended period of time.
Og Mandino says, "Take great comfort in knowing that ALL great feats are accomplished one small step at a time." TAKE THE SMALL STEPS! They make a BIG difference.
Okay, but what actions?
A Talk Charge is a 60 second positive verbal interaction with your spouse about a NON-LOGISTICAL matter. It's a fun or frivolous chat. And you do NOT need your spouse's cooperation. If necessary, you talk, they listen. A voice mail can even work.
A Touch Charge is similar, but it uses touch instead of talk. A Touch Charge is a loving physical gesture with your spouse. It's not foreplay or an advance for love making; it's just a warm touch for the sake of connecting in that moment.
So here's my "50 ways" list. Don't be overwhelmed. Most of these won't work for you. I created 50 so you would have options. My challenge to you is to pick 2; in the next 24 hours do 1 Talk Charge and 1 Touch Charge.
MORT'S 50 WAYS TO TALK AND TOUCH LIST
1. Express confidence in one of your spouse's decisions
2. Share dessert with one fork
3. What was "your song" when you were dating? Call your spouse and sing it to them.
4. Surprise visit your spouse at their office or home and give them a kiss... and then leave.
5. Play footsie next time you sit together
6. Learn a new joke today and share it with your spouse
7. Ask how your spouse's day went... and really listen
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