The Importance Of Confessing Your Own Imperfections

By Gary Chapman

http://relationshipslovelanguage.blogspot.com/2012/10/relationships-love-language-5-marriage.html

Admitting my own imperfections does not mean that I am a failure.

Most troubled marriages include a stone wall between husband and wife, built over the years. Each stone represents an event in the past where one of them has failed the other. These are things about which people talk when they sit in the counseling office.

The husband complains, "She has always been critical of everything I do. I've never been able to please her." The wife complains, "He's married to his job. He has no time for me or the children. I feel like a widow." This wall of hurt and disappointment stands as a barrier to marital unity.

Demolishing this emotional wall is essential for rebuilding a troubled marriage. Admitting your part in building this wall, does not make you a failure. It means that you are human and are willing to admit your humanity.

Confessing past failures is the first step toward a growing marriage.

My actions need not be controlled by my emotions

For the past thirty years in Western Society we have given undue emphasis to emotions.

When applied to a troubled marriage, this philosophy advises, "If you don't have love feelings, admit it and get out of the marriage." "If you feel hurt and angry, you would be hypocritical to say or do something kind to your spouse." This philosophy fails to reckon with the reality that man is more than his emotions.

We have feelings, yes, but we also have attitudes, values, and actions.

If we jump from emotions to actions and ignore attitudes and values, we will destroy our marriages.

Stop, think, look for the positive, affirm it, and then, do something that has positive potential.

Actions that are guided by values and positive attitudes are more likely to be productive.