Marriage Exposes Your Real Character
By Mort Fertel
"The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character." - Peter Devries
We can only appreciate the profundity of this statement if we understand what is meant by CHARACTER.
"Personality" is easy to understand. Your "personality" is how people experience you. It's your public persona.
But what is "character?" And why is "character" so crucial in your marriage?
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
Let me say that again so you can read it slowly and really digest it this time.
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
You see, when you and your spouse met, you met each other's PERSONALITIES. You showed your spouse and you were shown by your spouse your public personas. I'm not saying you tricked each other. It's just your personality; how you display yourself to others.
But marriage lasts too long in too close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF that gets revealed, maybe for the first time. And there you each stand, naked as if no one is watching. But someone is watching. And that's when you meet for the first time...all over again!
You and your spouse don't meet the person who charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for each other's parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your CHARACTERS.
In many cases, it's not only that you're meeting each other for the first time, but it's that you're meeting YOURSELVES for the first time.
Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating anyone the way they treat their spouse. Most people don't recognize their own behavior. "I'm just not myself with him/her." Well then, who is that person? Well, that's YOU...it's your character. (And your spouse meets their own character too.)
The reason so many people fail at marriage and any attempt at marriage renewal is NOT that they don't like their spouse. It's that they don't like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality; their spouse is a mirror reflecting their character. And most people don't like what they see.
Many people would rather choose to be with someone else than remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves. (Did you get that?)
Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as follows: "You are as much a real person as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a cottage."
It is very important to understand that any attempt at Marriage Renewal must be accompanied by INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.
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Mort Fertel has created the MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX, a 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. For more information or to order, go to:
http://www.MortFertel.com/home-flex.asp He also created the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING PROGRAM. It's a 5 CD audio listening program that you'll find to be an invaluable guide to renewing your marriage. For more info or to order, go to:
http://www.MortFertel.com/audio-program.asp
ABOUT MORT FERTEL
Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.
AUDIO TESTIMONIALS
Listen to people talk about how they saved their marriage.
http://www.MortFertel.com/tele-audio-testimonials.asp
CONTACT INFORMATION
Marriage Fitness with Mort Fertel
3410 Bancroft Road
Baltimore, MD 21215
Phone: 410.764.1552
Web:
http://www.MortFertel.com_____________________________________________________
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