Most of us tend to believe that stress is something that happens to us rather than being caused by us. While there are situations that fall into the category of being out of our control, the majority of daily events are manageable. We can reframe cognitive distortions through the use of Exaggeration Therapy.

Life becomes stressful when we make faulty conclusions about our world. It is our interpretations about experiences, which create anxiety, anger, and depression. When you decide that a wet towel left on a bed is similar to a mugging, you are creating a stormy climate for yourself.

In his 1961 book, "A Guide to Rational Living," Albert Ellis argues that emotions have little to do with actual events. In between the event and the emotion is realistic or unrealistic self-talk. The emotion actually comes from what you say to yourself and not from the event itself.

The dialogue that fuels most stress is often irrational. Hence the name cognitive distortions. If we could disengage from our lives and just become compassionate witnesses to our behavior, without being attached to a particular outcome, we would be consistently amused with our lives.

To stop overreacting we need to:

Stop needing to be right - ask yourself would I rather be right or would I rather be happy?

See yourself as part of a global sitcom.

Learn to accept where you are and what you are doing. True acceptance allows us to live joyfully.

When we catastrophize and awfulize instead of seeking a solution, we begin to feel a sense of helplessness. This in turn reduces our body's ability to help us create positive well being.

Exaggeration Therapy

Most of us do not have to practice exaggerating, since we are already doing it. Remember that we normally make things worse without much thought. It seems to happen automatically.

* The Blame Game: You know they took your parking space and you will find them. You have sent out a search party, and when they are found they will be severely punished.

* Mind Reading: Since you are the Grand Pooh Bah of knowing, you have advanced information on bad weather, awful things people are going to do, and serious injuries that will happen to people you care about on trips that they haven't gone on yet.

* Always Should on Yourself: Make sure you feel bad about things you haven't done. Including people around you as well. Keep a whip handy so you can beat yourself randomly!

* Do everything perfectly or not at all. Try not to make any mistakes, be superhuman, and don't expect anyone to make any either.

* Be overly responsible: Feel overworked and taken advantage of; never let anyone do anything for you. Become a martyr. Make a martyr kit by putting some Velcro around your wrist and another around your head and snap them together.

* Multiply everything by forever: When things are bad, tell yourself and others they will always be that way. Keep a suitcase filled with old grievances so you can carry it everywhere with you.

* Worry a lot: Interpret everything as the end of the earth. Get up early every morning and worry.

* Keep files on who did what: Never forgive or forget, bring up past events that make you or someone else feel bad. See yourself as the head curator of the "Feel Bad" Museum.

* Please everyone: Make sure everyone likes you even if it means selling all of your possessions and having nothing yourself.

* Make sure you have no options: Use language like "if only," "but," and "I wish" to leave yourself locked in forever.

Some samples of reframing through exaggeration:

Oh, no! Isn't this disgusting? They never have enough help; every time I come here it's loaded with people!

Ah ha! I knew it, look at all these people - they must have bused them in because they knew I was here. The manager is probably calling everyone he knows with coupons to stand in line with me because he knows how much I hate that.

Oh, no! Can you imagine it's broken again? What can you expect? Nobody cares!

Ah ha! It's broken again; they must have gotten that service man that breaks machines throughout the country. He has an incredible reputation for ruining equipment, and this is his favorite office.

Family conflict

Oh, no!

No one ever helps me around here. I have to do everything myself. I'm sick to death of being the only one that cleans up!

Ah ha! This house is the worst snake pit I have ever seen. You're all out to get it condemned by the Board of Health. Dirt balls are taking over the bedrooms and giving birth. It's not a problem. I'm putting the whole house on the curb for the trash men to take.

Keep in mind that you need to take your bothers and stress several steps higher until you are able to get to the place where you realize that if you don't have to suffer, don't practice!

© 2006 Loretta LaRoche 

About the Author:

Loretta LaRoche has helped people deal with stress for over 30 years. A keynote speaker and lecturer in the field of stress management, she inspires and motivates audiences with her wisdom and humor, and every year conducts over 100 lectures, seminars, and training workshops. Author of such best-sellers as "Relax--You May Only Have a Few Minutes Left" and "Life is Not a Stress Rehearsal," she is also an adjunct faculty member at The Mind/Body Medical Institute of Boston. For more on Loretta, visit http://www.lorettalaroche.com.

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