What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife - Part 1
By Les Parrott
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, said, "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question: What does a woman want?"
Well, Freud, may not have been able to identify the deepest needs of women, but modern research has. A wife's most basic needs in marriage are: (1) to be cherished, (2) to be known and (3) to be respected.
* She Needs to be Cherished
"I can't understand it, Doc." Doug was talking before he even sat down in my counseling office. "Lisa has everything she could possibly need. She doesn't have to work, she buys lots of clothes, we live in a great place, we take wonderful vacations, I'm faithful-but she's miserable." Doug shook his head and said, "I just don't get it."
We talked a bit more about his seven-year marriage and how he tried to express his love for Lisa. "I'm not the talkative type, Doc," he said. "I show my love by providing the very best I can for her." This poor husband didn't realize that his love-starved wife would have traded all the clothes and vacations in the world for a little tenderness from him.
Without meaning to, a husband can completely miss one of his wife's most important needs: to be cherished. This need is too often overlooked by husbands because we don't feel the need for it as deeply as women do. But that doesn't discount its validity. Your wife needs to be cherished.
She needs to know she is number one in your life. If it came down to an evening with your buddies or a night with your wife, she needs to know you would choose her - not because you have to, but because you want to.
What can you do to cherish your wife?
Consider how often you say, "I love you."Some men don't feel the need to say it with words, but every wife has an insatiable need to hear it.
Your wife also needs evidence that you are thinking about her during your day. A small gift or a quick phone call to say, "You are on my mind," can mean the world to her.
As a man, you probably have no idea of the effect you can have on your wife by being gentle and tender, making her feel cared for.
...Does cherishing your wife mean sacrificing golf games, success at work, or nights out with the boys? Believe it or not, the answer is no. When your wife is satisfied in knowing that she takes first place in your life, when she knows she is the most important thing in the world to you, she will encourage you to do the things you enjoy. It is part of the mystery of marriage: When a woman is truly, genuinely cherished, she feels free to encourage her husband's independence.
Before Doug learned to cherish Lisa, she would complain about his fishing trips. In fact, Lisa wanted a separation because "standing by a lake was more important to Doug than I was." But once Doug genuinely made Lisa number one, once he began to express true tenderness, Lisa pleasantly shocked him: "I'll cover for you at the meeting next Thursday so you can get an early start on your fishing trip if you want." Lisa made this offer because she now felt secure in her position of importance.
"To love and to cherish" is more than a phrase from your wedding vows. It is one of the most important needs your wife will ever have. By meeting it, you are sure to build a partnership that brings you both pleasure...
Part 2 tomorrow.
