What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife - Part 2
By Les Parrott
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, said, "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question: What does a woman want?"
Well, Freud, may not have been able to identify the deepest needs of women, but modern research has. A wife's most basic needs in marriage are: (1) to be cherished, (2) to be known and (3) to be respected.
* She Needs to be Respected
Men are usually quite unaware of how much women need to be respected. Why? Because when men are not respected they react very differently. A man who doesn't feel respected, for example, is apt to become self-righteous and indignant. He feels even more worthy of respect when others don't respect him. He may even give less until he gets what he feels he deserves.
Women operate differently-when they are not respected they feel insecure and lose their sense of self. That is why it is so vital for you to take special care of your partner's need for respect.
There are a number of ways to show respect to your wife. To begin with, do not try to change or manipulate her, but rather, honor her needs, wishes, values, and rights. I know a woman who, because of her upbringing, valued the tradition of having her door opened for her by her husband. She knew the custom was kind of old-fashioned, but it meant a lot to her, and she asked her husband to do it.
Her husband never took her request seriously. "You're kidding, right?" he'd say. "Nobody does that anymore. That's why we've got power locks on the car." By laughing off his wife's request, this husband weakened his opportunity to meet one of his wife's deepest needs-to be respected.
Respecting your wife also means including her in decisions.
I am always amazed when I find a husband who wields all the power in a marriage and makes all the decisions, regardless of what his wife thinks. I have known men who will make decisions about relocating to a new job in another part of the country without even consulting their wives. I don't know of a quicker way to tear down a woman's sense of self and ruin the possibility of a happy marriage.
Build your wife's self-esteem and sense of security by asking for her input whenever you can, even on the small things. When you make a decision that might affect her, say: "I'm thinking about. What do you think of that?" or "I'm thinking we should... What would you like?"
Respect says, "I support you, you are valuable to me, and you don't have to be any different from who you are."
In return for this respect a woman will be able to relax. She will not have a compulsive need to prove herself as an equal, but will automatically feel and be equal. What a wonderful way to live with a woman.
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The above article is written by Les Parrott and comes from the book, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Dr. Les Parrott and Dr. Leslie Parrott Realrelationships.com, published by Zondervan Publishing.
As psychologist (Les) and marriage and family therapist (Leslie) who counsel hundreds of married couples, they have "learned that living happily ever after is less a mystery than a mastery of certain skills."
"Although married life will always have its difficulties, you will steadily and dramatically improve your relationship by mastering certain life skills."
This is the final Part of 3.
